Shine on you crazy diamond III

[Navyguy]

Well done FOBD. I think you hit a home run....for yourself.

Sounds like you made a great impression on W too. I'm sure she's doing a lot of thinking right now. Don't be surprised if she pulls away for awhile...let her initiate the next contact if at all possible.

[FellOnBlackDays]

********************** EVENING UPDATE ************************
So, I headed down to the bar where we were all meeting. I was bit late and many were there already. W was not present. I was at the bar buying drinks when she walked in. We made eye contact and she walked over. I hugged her and gave her a kiss on the cheek. I asked if I could buy her a drink. She agreed. We carried our drinks over to the group. She parted and started greeting everyone. We had a large group and were spread over two tables. There was no room for her at the first table with the bride and groom. So, she just stood there. Don't really know what she was doing.

So, we made eye contact and she suddenly grabbed a chair and came sit next to me. We began talking and laughing. We were having a good time when I got called to the parking lot to assist another guest with some directions. I was pissed. They broke in on our good time and when I got back she had moved to another table. Dang it!!! But she was still there and I could still be with her, so I was happy for now.

Unfortunately, the wedding party decided that the girls wanted to go dancing and the guys wanted to stay where we were. Everyone agreed to separate. Dang it AGAIN!! But, I played it cool. The females all left she said nothing to me and just left. I was kind of deflated, but continued to have a good time.

About an hour later we all met back up at another bar. I was still drinking slowly to avoid drunkenness. She suddenly reappeared with my SIL. Awesome! We spent the next three hours dancing and hanging out as a group. When the situation would present itself, I would make conversation. But, I tried not to pursue or move closer to her when she would move away. We had a couple of really nice conversations. Nothing about the R or S, just having fun. At one point, she complimented me on my speech at the reception. She even cracked a couple of jokes with me. But, I could still tell there was some uneasiness in her actions. She is still not really comfortable around me. It was very obvious.

The night ended and she was leaving. I again asked her if I could walk her to her car. She agreed. I walked her and made small talk. At the car, I gave her a brief hug, told her goodnight and slipped in a kiss on the cheek. She drove away and I went off to a very late breakfast with the rest of the group.

Folks, I don't really know what all this really means. I am, however, going to chalk this up as a victory. I DB'ed, I had fun, I stayed sober and I showed her that life is going to go on without her. She is still carrying some anger. She did, at times yesterday, act like a jerk just to be one. But, she did see me having fun with and without her and I applied no pressure all day. We are still MILES and MILES from any kind of reconciliation, if there will even be one, but yesterday should could not have hurt my chances. No, she wasn't going to jump into my arms and ask me to take her back. But, we did spend a nice day together and I really enjoyed it. I am very happy tonight.

Maybe she saw something good yesterday that peaked her interest. I guess we will see. I will stay dark for a couple of days and maybe make some light contact later in the week.

Tonight, my mother told me she was disappointed that my W did show up. She felt like she should not have been there as it did, in the mind of some folks, take the focus off of the bride and groom. She also told me how proud she was of me for acting the way that I did and not letting my w ruin my day. I smiled and told her how much I loved her and not to worry about my w for now. But, tonight, I did notice that my younger sister has "de-friended" my W on FB...

I hope all my BITS are doing well tonight!!

FOBD

[Queen_of_Swords]

FOBD,
I think you're going to see the ripple effect on this one. You DB'ed your butt off and clearly it made an impact.
You had a major personal victory this weekend. Good on you buddy, good on you.

[ninelives]

WEll done FOBD. You did handle things like a pro. I wonder why she showed up at all to be frank with you. I mean, she obviously was not welcome by a large majority of your family and spent most of her time alone.

What was her rational?

I think the night went very well for you.

Great Job!

9

BITS

[OnMyWay]

FOBD! You rock!

That is awesome. First of all, it sounds like you had a wonderful time. Good for you. That is paramount. It is nice to know you participated in your B & SIL's day so completely. I'm really happy for you and for them.

I'd have to say, your wife knows exactly what she's missing. From your description, it seems like she avoided you to avoid herself. Who knows. I've given up on trying to figger out how women think. I do think you are getting close to a break through. I'm glad you we able to convince her to come along after the reception. She was uneasy or afraid to go and you were able to put her at ease and welcome her along. That is a great achievement. Keep that up without forcing and she'll be choosing to spend a lot more time with you.

You are the man!!!

[Denver_2010]

Nice job FOBD. No easier for us to read her mind than it is for you... impossible. i think that you did EVERYTHING that you could do and you did it perfectly. Now... wait and see. That is the next step.

BITS
Denver

[♪CS♪]

Sounds like you did perfect man. Now for the hard part, keep the positive feelings going!

[Redo]

FOBD, man that was some good DB'ing. Enjoy this feeling !

[ironMan]

WOW! I don't think you could've done any better than you did. Unbelievable!! Your description of the events made me tear up. You are my hero!!

Listen, you're a great catch and she knows it. And, if she doesn't come back .. you'll have a fantastic life anyway. That's the gift you've given yourself.

So, time to let things play out again. But, you were like Michael Jordan in the NBA finals out there. Flawless. Job well done!!

[FellOnBlackDays]

BITS, thanks for the compliments and good vibes. Unfortunately, they were short lived...

She called today. I flipped when I saw her on the caller ID. I thought, "Wow, only 24 hours and contact. This is awesome." No, it would not be awesome.

We made some small talk and then she got to business. As usual, the call was because she needed something. She never calls unless she needs something. She is hosting a baby shower this coming weekend and she needs the serving pieces we have. She proceeded to tell me she has a list of things she needs to either take or borrow. She also went on to inform me that she doesn't like the fact that she still has little things still spread throughout the house and other things that still need to be divided up. She stated she feels uncomfortable that we still have stuff in limbo and she wants that settled this week. In other words, "husband, I am not coming back and I want my stuff."

I am sitting here in my office trying like hell not to burst into tears. I guess Navy was right. He stated that I should expect her to pull back after we had such a nice weekend together. I guess she is pulling back, all right. All the way back. All the way back to "I want to be through with you, husband."

Maybe I DB'ed a bit too much this weekend. Maybe she thinks now that I have moved on. I didn't wear my wedding ring this weekend. She had to have noticed that.

I am so confused. I don't know what she wants. Frankly, I don't know what I want now either. I want to save this thing, I really, really do. I still lover her more than anything in this world. I would take her back tonight if she asked. But, I can't make her love me. I know that. And, my emotions are getting pretty worn out. I do know one thing. I am tired of the ups and downs. I am tired of feeling OK one minute and like I am going to die the next. I want off this train. Unfortunately, the only way that I can see being able to get off is filing for D and ending this myself. But, I don't want that. This is the worst Catch 22 I have ever been in though out my entire life.

BITS, please help. I am unable to reason this in my own mind today. I was already a bit depressed when I woke up this morning. I had a wonderful weekend with my family and friends. But, this morning, I woke up to an empty house and it seemed to hit me kind of hard. And, then, I get her phone call. I am trying to keep an even keel, but this storm is pretty bad...

FOBD