PINCH ME of HIT ME with a 2x4

[ninelives]

Im sorry, I am all over the place here. Just reeling from this totally unexpected conversation.
DB principles are being used half a$$ed at times and at times Im not even sure what i am saying.

Waiting for the pull back at any time. So I say to her, lets get our cards on the table here. What exactly is it that you want. ARe you talking about getting your life back with me and the kids and growing old together etc?

She says yes that she missed me and my sense of humour and that is she is sooooo sorry that she hurt me and that is ashamed of what she did. She felt she never measured up to me before , now she even feels worse. Im STUNNED. I say ok, let me get this straight. You want to come back to our relationship, put the hard work into the marriage. Be intimate with me again, even passionate. NOt because he is not who you thought he was and not because you are feeling the financial pinch.

She says NO , money has nothing to do with it. she will be getting 60 grand from our settlement soon and that she knows that she made a huge mistake and what she has with OM is fake , and artificial and the man that loved her the most is me and she recognizes that and wants to make it work. But it will take time.

She says she NEEDs to be on her own to get her head right and that working back to US would be down the road.

I say again, and what about OM, can you live in this small town with him knowing he will be persuing you the entire time you are on your own. She says that I am what she wants and her life back.

I am very skeptical. I say, what about the pull back when you call me back tomorrow or the next day and say that you were just down today.

She says she has been thinking about this for a few weeks and the feeling keeps getting stronger every day. She says that the fog is lifting and she sees what is important in her life.

I remind her again that talk is cheap and that she did this before last July. Wrote me pages of this and then never followed up. She assures me that this time will be different but I need to be patient with her and let her come back on her own time.

What a clusterflick, I SOOOOOOOOO want to believe her but I am very skeptical. Can she sustain this feeling. Has she had a revelation or is this just a knee jerk reaction to all the bad KARMA she has been getting lately.

I ask her if she loves me cause she has told me so many times that she doesnt. I know, bad DB principles there and a red flag went off when I spoke those words, but she assured me that she is sure that she loves me. Real Love, not the thing she felt with OM.

I tell her that the money I gave her in settlement could be used for positive things. WE could finish our basement like we always wanted to and go on a trip with the kids. And she seemed very happy about those things. I know, moving too fast. Need to slow down.

I also told her I was buying a new car in a couple of weeks and was going to buy a stick and she asked me not to buy a stick cause she cant drive stick.

I ask her when she will end it with OM and she says leave it to me. I get real sense that she is almost frightened of him and I say to her, leave him to me if he doesnt leave you alone.

In calmer moment, I know that I will leave it in the hands of the police if he wont leave her alone if she does in fact go on with this.

She has to get ready for night shift and needs to sleep. She tells me that he is texting her and that she has to respond or he gets really jealous and insecure. I say , let him get insecure and she says that she needs to keep the peace for now.

A mixed singal NO?

In one fell swoop, am I in the same company as Denver and Islander or is she going to PULL back tommorrow.

AHHH the WAW, should be a TV show. Add to the fact that my WAW may also be a little nuts and the drama may never end.

If she does the PULL back this time, I think I am truly done.

I said to her, If you are not 100% sure of us trying again, then tell me so that i dont get my hopes up. For you to do this again would mean you are truly evil. She said that she is sure and not to worry.

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