I think I should talk to her to be friendly at least for our son's sake.
I don't think I'd do that. Part of the reason she may be showing that she's not happy is so that you won't get ideas that she wants to R.
That's interesting, Sandi. On one hand she says she want the best as possible for our son (while questioning my role as his parent), and the other she choose to be mopy in front of him. Because of his reactions when we talk, I feel like I should step up and ask her to smile or something. It's so strange because it never was this complicated before all this happened, so why can't we see that?
Well, with us living in separate houses, it's so easy to feel good and forget what's truly going on right now -- that my wife and I are still married, had amazing and not very amazing times, that I miss her dearly, that if we never get back together, it'll always be complicated.
I have more time to pursue my changes, but I tell you - I really miss her. God, help us please.
Why does it seem like my wife prefers to rush our son out the door when she comes to pick him up?
Anyway, it's day 6 of Project No-Jack (i.e. abstincence from masturbation), and it's strange how my thoughts and feelings are more focused on the good things. The downside is that the feelings for my wife is more pure and intense now. I glanced at a picture of her and I can feel my heart bursting to pour her with love. If she only knew.
Why does it seem like my wife prefers to rush our son out the door when she comes to pick him up?
She may be trying to keep it short so she won't have to engage in a conversation or something. I'm sure she must feel uncomfortable as a result of her decision making.
Does your son cry to stay with you? If he is showing signs of not wanting to leave, then that could be her reason of not prolonging the exit scene.
We could guess all day. It's another one of those hard things to see your family (your son) split like this.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
Does your son cry to stay with you? If he is showing signs of not wanting to leave, then that could be her reason of not prolonging the exit scene.
Sandi, how have you been doing? To answer your question: So far only once verbally, since she moved out. Other times, he's more than content to just keep doing what he was doing when she walked in the door (i.e. play), being a little boy he is. But as I've posted before, our son will get a little clingy to her and/or tell her "Stop talking, mommy" if he senses that our conversation is moving beyond just a casual exchange.
UPDATE 5:45am Had a horrible, horrible sleep. Two nightmares in a row, with my wife as the main character. I just kept seeing guys (especially ones I know) finding out about our situation, how she's now available again, start expressing strong interest in her, telling her that they've always had a crush on her because she's so sweet and nice and sexy, and she was loving the attention. In the dream, I remember telling her about it, and she simply says, "I thought that's why you have therapy". There was so much emptiness, distance, and helplessness...I woke up feeling the same way, hyperventilating and depressed.
I remember reading about dreams once, and it was stated that when we are dreaming...our mind is in a state of insanity. But, regardless, I know that some dreams can linger on the next day and hard to shake.
If you continue to physically react to dreams, you may need to talk to your doctor. Some meds can help you relax and not remember dreaming. Just a thought.
Hope you have a better night tonight.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
I just waltzed myself into a doormat situation with my wife yesterday. I need 2x4s here.
My wife had told me in February she will be out of town this month for a yearly medical school convocation and so our son will be with me during that time. Here's how the conversation went:
W: Did I tell you that I have convo (convocation) this week? M: You only told me that convo will be in March. W: It's this week and I fly out on Wednesday morning...(then she tells me I will have our son either Tuesday night or Wednesday to Sunday evening).
I paused to think about my work schedule.
W: You look mad for me doing this to you.
I was surprised by this remark. So I looked at her quizzically.
M: I'm not mad. Why do you say that? W: You have that frown on your face like you're mad about taking care of 'E'.
Before I could answer, she gives me a guilt trip...
W: You know this is your son, right. You're his father...
I was still surprised by her remarks. All I said was: "No, I was thinking about MY schedule. ... I'm glad to have him for that time!"
Then I started making small talk about her trip, which I shouldn't have.
In hindsight, I should've:
1. Asked for an apology for wrongly accusing my thought process. 2. Demanded advance notice of her flight. I behaved like a pushover and was treated as such.
I have been reading up on some other threads here and notice two schools of thought regarding how to treat a WAW/WAS when they make decisions that affect the family, e.g. Separation, moving out, divorce. One is to show support for their actions, while the other is to let them see the reality of their decisions. One example I read is going with the spouse to look for an apartment (and that spouse gave some positive feedback on that action).
In terms which school of thought I want to apply to my situation, I'm leaning towards the latter, i.e. My wife chose to move and take our son there, she shouldn't be asking me to drop our son off at her place, and I shouldn't be saying yes to those requests.
