Shine on you crazy diamond III

[OnMyWay]

I agree about not taking a date. Find girls at the wedding to talk to and dance with (and do enjoy talking/dancing with them). Use it as an opportunity to expand your social circle and meet new people. You're the best man, after all - kind of a host - so, it's within your job description to do just that. Use it to your personal advantage. You have a good time regardless. Let your W take responsibility to worry about herself and her own good time. If she approaches you, be receptive. If she doesn't, she's not your problem. Play your part as Best Man with true confidence. If she sees you are enjoying yourself in an open & honest fashion, I bet she'll make some sort of move toward you (probably very subtle, so don't miss it). If she doesn't, don't be offended - nothing is lost, you just didn't gain - she might not be there quite yet. Don't try to force it, just go back to your best man duties and continue with your good time.

Also, FOBD, stop with beating yourself up over her lack of response to your texts. Perhaps they are too much pressure and she incapable of dealing with them, so she just ignores them. Perhaps her phone is broke. Perhaps she is trying to save money and text less. Who knows? It's not your problem. Set the bait, cast the line, and leave it at that. If she responds, you caught something - great! If she doesn't, don't keep casting. Forget it, real in your line, and go back another time. After your good day with all the hugs, she may just feel she let down her guard and needs to distance herself some. This is normal.

You are giving her too much credit where none is due. Your projecting your own emotions here, not reacting to hers. You are reacting to your own ideal, which may or may not be accurate. Don't give her that kind power over you. She doesn't want it and couldn't handle it anyway. She is most likely innocent of any of the meaning you are attributing to her non-response. Get yourself together and focus on reality. Don't read ANYTHING into any of this. Work strictly with what you can see is true and fact.

FOBD, I've read all your threads, your whole story, beginning to end. I recommend you do the same for some clarity, insight and inspiration. It is amazing how far you've come and how much you've grown as a man. We all stumble. You do a great job of picking yourself up and pressing on. You are a man who does the right thing, even though it hurts or you don't like it (like helping your friend through his grief, letting you wife take furniture, allowing her to attend the wedding, etc.). That speaks volumes. Honestly, if she can't see that, then she may not be worthy of you anyhow. In my situation, my WAW has expressed she doesn't feel she deserves our M anymore - I don't know if that is true or not. Point is, we are dudes and we honestly cannot imagine what goes through our WAW's heads, no matter how much we think we know them. Nor does she understand you. It cracks me up when my WAW thinks she knows me so well, she reacts to me the way I used to be back when we were still together. I'm a million miles away from there, now. She hasn't yet caught on, but is beginning to notice things are different. She doesn't know me much at all any more and reacts with an anger she's never had. I'm on the defense when she's around, but it kind of amuses me, as anger in someone else can be a sign that the new me is getting to her - she's putting me in her own head, which also is not my problem.

I look at my R as being over, whether we D or not. If we decide to get back together, then I'll consider our reconciliation a "new" R within the same M contract. We can't just pick up where we left off as if nothing's happened. That wouldn't work for either of us. The old R must die. If we come back to each other, it must be in a brand new R, starting from the beginning.

So, stop letting her into your head. She's probably not trying to get in there, so don't put her in there yourself - remember she wanted to get away from you, so let her go. Don't make yourself crazy over it. You are still above ground, you're fit, you're smart, you're a stand-up guy, and you have your whole life ahead of you. Go live it.

You're little brother is getting married to his sweetheart soon. It's their day. Honor him by being truly happy for him and by being mentally present the whole time. Don't "check out" because of your wife. It's the right thing and you know it. I know you'll end up having a great time regardless.