Cas, I have been thnking about your sitch ever since you posted that OW is still in the picture. This is the point at which you need to think long and hard.
My firm belief is that adultery, even MLC adultery, is emotional abuse. They put their feelings ahead of what is kind and right. It isn't OK. Your h knows you love him. Do you allow the abuse to continue?
Even his language is passive aggressive - 'you can choose not to be friends'??? What he is doing is unacceptable. But he is putting the 'blame' on you if your friendship ends, not acknowledging in any way shape or form that it is actually his action in having a relationship with another woman, who he puts ahead of you and your daughter, that is the real problem. Sorry to be tough but that is the reality.
These guys have no kindness, no empathy, and no real thoughtfulness. It is all about them, and what makes them feel good. It isn't about love. Standing for marriage is not saying yes to whatever bad behaviour your spouse decides to get up to. The OW is a symptom of something very wrong, and you can't fix it. I wonder if by being around at all we even slow the process down? But I don't know.
In your shoes I would not continue to see him. Your last behaviour in going to se him was defintely pursuing, and insisting you go out on Wednesday night . . . . .hmmm. It is his choice in continuing his relationship that is the problem, not yours in not accepting it. Who would? Would your h if the roles were reversed? I doubt it.
Someone said a long time back that the role of the lbs teeters constantly between being a doormat and a B*tch. There is no reasonable response to abuse, because the abuser is not reasonable. I would walk away [go as dark as is possible] until he sorts himself out, for your own sake. Remember some of them never come out of the tunnel, despite promising signs from time to time. But whatever you decide, stop pursuing him. Not a good idea imo.
