A New Day?

[islander]

Just Thinking here:

It is amazing bow much one person can affect every aspect of your life, and the times we take that same person for granted. I am in a city that we both loved and often said we would like to live here. I am here without her now, a d it does not feel like anything to me

[islander]

Talked to W several times tonight about random things, even the addition of furniture at our house. I did not initiate any contact with her or the direction of the conversation. It was hard but what is the point anyway.

We are going out to dinner with our girls tomorrow night and then I think she is sleeping at our house. Completely her decision, and I will not ask her to if she changes her mind. If she sleeps at our house I don't know where she will sleep, but I will leave that up to her also.

I miss her so much...I know everybody else misses their WAS too.

[sandi2]

If she doesn't feel pressured, then she'll relax and both of you will began to enjoy your time together. A step at a time...one day at a time.


((hugs))

[islander]

Thanks sandi,
Check on me every once and a while. I am going to do my best to be patient and not pressure her.

[sandi2]

I will do that!

I believe you have what it takes. Believe in yourself.

[islander]

I feel like everyday that goes by since my "break through", my W gets further and further away from me. Just got back into town with our girls, W left to go to the beach and said she would be back around 5 for dinner with us. Originally she said she wanted to be home and spend some time with the girls. Guess she back tracked on that too. I really don't know what is going on. More lost than ever.

She will not be staying the night with us tonight. I questioned her a little bc my SD wanted to stay with me and my D. I let it go. She said something about letting SD stay with me and then coming over in the morning and picking up both girls for school. I let it go after that. It's not even worth discussing.

She originally said she was not going to stay the night with us bc she did not want to confuse her D. I think it is a little late for that, but I did not even comment on her statement.

[Denver_2010]

Islander - one thing that my DB coach told me very early on with my sitch, and I have found it to be true, is that once our W's begin to draw closer to us, they will go back and forth. In other words, it can be expected that your W will draw closer, then pull away again, then draw closer, pull away... etc. This happens because they are unsure of what is going on within themselves and they reflexively pull away bc they don't want to give us the wrong impression as to their intentions.

I have found this VERY true of my sitch. But it is becoming less and less... my W is drawing closer every week. But I still feel the pulling away at times.

Patience my friend. Go read my thread ... I have had to be VERY patient with some things that I never though myself capable of ... I've done this by focusing on keeping those thoughts of impatience to myself or expressing them here... and focusing on the positives when I do feel impatient.

Keep your eyes on the big picture... not the short term. That is the key to this.

BITS
Denver

[islander]

The reason for the pullback is OM. W came over last night for about 2 hrs. Seemed to distance her self from our conversation the other night. She said that she was confused bc she had feelings for OM and me. Said OM contacted her the other day and had more feelings for her than she thought. This contradicted what she told me the other night about her leaving him and knowing what she really wanted was our M to work even though it was a tough decision. .

So she has left the dog at our house bc it was to hard for her in her apt to take care of her, and she has started doing laundry at our house. She said if she did not have feelings for me she would not have been over last night sitting there folding her laundry. I feel she was only here last night bc it is easier to do those things here, and not bc of me.

My dilemma.

Should I tell her to take the dog back to her apt. I did not mind keeping her at the house when she came over and said she WANTED to work on our M, but I am not sure that is the case anymore. I was thinking that if she does not call and make a counseling appt today that I was just going to tell her the dog was nit working out at the house. I feel she is just using me now that OM might be back in the picture IMO.

She said last night she was going to call the C today, but there was no emotion in her like the other day. I doubt she will call. She also was nit wearing her rings. I almost wish she would take the dog and then I would go dark again.

[islander]

She also text me last night and said even though she knew i did not want to hear what she had to say last night, that she promised me she was going to read the books ( 5LL and his needs her needs).

I don't think that her reading this books will have any effect. She has already said that she knows our R could work, but she is allowing her feelings for OM to control her decisions. I can not compete with that, and I don't think any book will tell her any different either.

[islander]

I wonder if I should just go completely dark again for a few days and see what happens. Or maybe continue to be friendly with her when she contacts me, but nothing more????