I believe that women have to be motivated by something or somebody before they decide to leave a M. Since women make a lot of decisions based on "feelings", then I tend to think she was being encouraged to end the M.
Sometimes a really bad MR, for a long period of time, will prompt the W to end it. She thinks anything would have to be better than living in that! If that's her reason, then I'd have to ask what were you doing that was making the R do bad? What was her list of complaints against you? If she's blaming you for her self-loathing, what was it?
Some women find themselves in an emotionally dead MR b/c they gave all their time and energy to the kids. The needed time for a living R was not respected. Most fall into this category, I think. When the M is not nurtured, then the feelings of attraction began to fade. For women, if they start to lose respect for the H, their attraction will die. After that, it's not long before they admit they don't love the H any longer. They want to find something out there that will "make" them happy. So, the journey begins. At first, it's more of a fantasy and thinking how it would be just to be free and single.
If there is anyone around to take sides with her and agree that you're a bum who doesn't deserve her, then the fire is fanned. She begins to seriously think about S or D.
When a woman is unhappy in her M, it leaves her vulnerable to an emotional A with......whoever. Sometimes it's a coworker, mailman, contact over FB with old flame, or the Internet. If another man tells her how sexy she is and that he has feelings for her....she's in terrible danger.
So, tell me about the SIL who owns the place of employment. Is this your W's sister or what? Is the SIL M, S, D? Could be a source of influence, maybe? OTOH, it doesn't mean she is. What kind of R do you and SIL have? Just a thought.
Is she running with a different group of friends? Many times when a person is going to change their M status, their friends change also b/c they want those who have the same morals and life styles and tend to stay away from pro-M folks.
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I have not been able to GAL outside of her and kids. I joined basketball league went to gym a few times but that's it. Neither of them have given me any confidence in myself or taken my mind off of the W.
It won't at first, but it's very important that you do things that you enjoy, be around your guy friends, etc., b/c based on what hundreds of people have said...that's what helps to bring back your confidence and appreciation for life. That is what helps to make you interesting. Besides, a woman needs to see a man for more than just a good dad. So, hit the gym, or hike....whatever for exercise, but really get out there and get some kind of life. The more you are sociable, the more things you'll think of doing and that helps make you attractive. Google what women find attractive in men, and read up. New clothes are great, but you might decide to cut your hair differently, or shave it off! Change colognes!
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she said the other day the reason she is flip flipping is "you finally changed, after asking you 500 times to do it you finally did it"
Sad but true that it seems to take this to wake some folks. About all you can do is validate when she says this.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
New clothes are great, but you might decide to cut your hair differently, or shave it off! Change colognes! 
