Hello, I have been DB'ing for about 3 weeks now. I am trying not to panic. My W is on the D fast track. So I am executing, with the recommendation of my DB phone coach the LRT. She has been pretty aggressive with pursuing the D. However, I did early on suggest pursuing mediation instead of a trial. So here's some steps I've taken: - I don't say I love you anymore - I have tried to pull back a bit - I am working hard on my GAL - I have taken my son snow tubing - I have taken my son on a weekend trip (this was kind of 180 because I did it at the last minute and paid through the nose for some college basketball tickets. - I have started dressing in nicer clothes, and clothes I haven't worn in awhile. - I am starting to wear cologne again - I am continuing to exercise, but maybe increasing it a bit.
Here's some 180s I've done lately: - Right when she made her announcement, I made the mental commitment to just listen and try to figure out where she was emotionally. I can't say I've been perfect at this. At times, I faltered. However, I have learned that telling her how much I love her, telling her how much I don't want the D, and telling her she's making any kind of mistake with it is NOT working for me. So I need to cut it out. - She was putting pressure on me to tell our son about the D. Since I think we have a problem where we both avoid conflict, I did some research on telling your kids and initiated the conversation with her about. We ended up getting together a couple more times about it. Finally, we did have to tell him last night. Man, that was about the toughest thing I think I've ever done in my life. - She has been looking for a new place to live. I volunteered to go with her to look at it. I did go with her to look at it today. This was tough, too. I also let her put a deposit on the place - it's a condo and she's looking at buying it. She did appreciate it, and acknowledged it was hard for me (I didn't say anything before that). All I told her is that I'm in a different place now, I understand she's made a decision, and I want to support her as best as I can. (I think she may have gotten a little emotional over that one, but I'm not positive) - During I conversations I have told her I highly value her friendship. I think we need to build on this friendship and see where it takes us. Especially for my son's sake.
With all of this being said, but with her being on this fast track to get things moving with the D, I am trying very hard to panic.
I just hope I'm doing enough. I'll have to admit it's hard to make sure you doing enough on the DB principles while still working on the GAL. I also don't want to wear myself out with the GAL. I keep focusing on that it's not over until I say it's over. I am also trying to channel this deep love I have for her into the DB concepts.
