I will say, after being on these boards for ? 6-7 years? That it seems that usually there is something really "unhealthy" about the S's that won't work on the R if the other is DBing intelligently.
Drugs, booze, mental illness (including depression), and OW/OMs mean that you can be doing everything right and they pretty much will not respond.
Are you doing everything right? Only you can know that--are you GAL? (haven't seen too much of evidence of that) Validating? Detaching?
I was here 7 years ago. I was a good DBer--it came pretty easily. But 2 years ago things went south again. Came back.
Forrest, I feel I have "re-invented" myself over, and over, and over again. And my H is still not "happy". And with NO regrets did I do it but I am done.
DBing worked--because I am very different now than 7 years ago. I'm not angry at my H at all. He has truly shown me, by all the work that I have done, that it is him. Probably depression.
It's a great place to be. You won't regret ONE THING.
So do the backflips and twist yourself up like a pretzel for her and do it happily. Read R books--leave them around. Love and Respect is an amazing one--very simple and easy to read.
Read childrearing books--Dr. Dobson, etc (btw, the pastor at my church said just last Sunday that when you let your kids sleep in bed with you the marriage will fail eventually--(my H let S sleep with us until he was 13!) You have experts that would back you up for putting that child in his own bed.
Go visit the SM boards--there are some stickies that are excellent. Put a timeline on the sex, set boundaries, and lovingly tell your W that this is what you need and you hope it will be with her, but if it isn't you have to do what is best for you.
She can either work on this with you or with someone else. But most men want cooperation in this area.lol.
