Need Advice H separates for MOW - Unusual Story

[sandi2]

Your story really isn't that unique. After a while, the stories here on the board began to sound so much alike that it get difficult to keep them separated. That's not to say you're not special...you are indeed, but except for the fact your H is awaiting trial, it sounds very familiar.

I keep 180-ing, but sometimes I worry that maybe what my H needs is a more compassionate approach. Maybe he WANTS me to reach out to him more so he can come back home and leave the MOW. If he feels I don't take time for him and my GAL is taking me away from him, he becomes withdrawn and bonds more with the MOW. We were definitely closer when the separation first occurred before I GAL - now I don't know from week to week where we stand. Sometimes I think on some level he wants to be with me - but he's obsessed with the MOW right now above and beyond any feelings he has for me.

I believe what you are doing now works best. If you accept a third party into the M, then you will have to deal with an open M from here on out. He won't have a desire to be with a woman who is so easy for him to have...whenever or however he decides. Why do you think this A is so hot & heavy? Because it's a secret! It's hidden from OW's H and it's illegal. If the spotlight was suddenly on their A and you and OW's H was to drop them and tell them they were free to make it legal....neither one would be inticed.

When you pull away...it draws him in. He's jealous of any attention that is not on him. He can't stand to think of you talking or spending time with another man.....even though "he" is the cheater. Add it up.

The A might be a distraction for his reality (the trial), but considering this makes his second one in a short time frame.....I'd say he could be on his way to more cheating in the future, if he's not in jail. You may discover at some point that he has had other EA's.

Be the person you want to be, and have the life you want. We can make ourselves believe almost anything...or second guess what to do. Again, I think what you are doing is the route to go.

Stick around and build up your support group here on DB. Weekends are slow, so don't give up on us.