Have the kids from Thursday to Sunday and had the chance to take then to a carnival at my sisters grade school last night. Kids had fun but its ironic cause that type of event were the kinds W always took the kids to. That also made it hard on me, seeing all the families together and my kids asking if mom is coming. W called to tell the kids goodnight and I only spoke to her when I answered the phone.
Today I took the kids to see Rango. They had fun but again I struggled mightily with the thoughts of wanting W to be there to do stuff as a family. Kids again asked if mom was going and every time I hear that its tears me up inside.
After the doom I wonder if I took a step in the right direction, even if it was for wrong reasons. W LOVES movie popcorn. We had extra leftover and kids wanted to call mom and give the extra to her. I told them that mom was busy and they can take it home tomorrow. I could fill a notebook with the pursuing gestures that I have done in last 2 months. Asking to join us at church, park, play games, movies etc. First time I had kids after I moved out we went to movie and took W the extra popcorn to her work. Would have kids call W and tell her how the event was. I am sure you could guess how many times W has tried to include me with family outgoing or nice gesture. ZERO
So I thought why am I making her feel better by giving her a glimpse into our family time when she has made it clear she could care less when the roles are reversed.
Side note: have my father/son breakfast with FIL tomorrow. Should be interesting.
