What to do next

[JustStunned]

Journaling: Friday the last document we needed to file our taxes arrived. I decided to wait until Saturday to contact W about setting up an appointment with the tax preparer. After a couple of VMs back and forth I answered the call and W agreed to stop by to drop off her documents. I had been in the midst of house cleaning so I suspended that activity. I wanted her to see the floors cleared for cleaning when she walked in.

She knocked at the door and then let herself in, dropped her shoes in the entrance and came in. I handed her the mail that had arrived here for her, and she gave me some mail. I asked her if she would like a cup of tea. We sat and visited while she sipped her tea.

We talked about her new job and some of the stressors in it. It has been three weeks and she is settling in. As with all change there are pluses and minuses to her new job. She has had to take charge of a skilled unit in the past week to fill in while the regular nurse was on vacation. It was difficult and she will be glad to get back to the position she accepted.
In her opinion her new boss is quite the control freak and she is trying to fly under the radar to avoid confrontation.

She loved on the dog, and offered to pay for his next vet appointment, and parasite prevention treatments. She had asked why I was not taking him in once a month. I had to explain when we contributed to the household budget there was funding available for those things. I have had to cut back on expenses. This doesn’t make me look strong or competent in her eyes, but I need to pay the property taxes in 4 months.

She began to talk about the D. Specifically how we were going to settle the house asset. I reminded her she wanted to keep all of those discussions between the Ls. I hated to say that, but I did not want to discuss it. I was avoiding my anger about her distorted view of the economics involved. I know I could not have remained upbeat discussing how we would settle the house.

Her phone rang and she received several text messages while we talked. She took the call, cutting it short explaining to her cousin she was visiting the dog and me. She checked the text message sender, and decided it could wait until after she left.

This conv was neutral to pleasant for her. She was able to tell me all about her new job and family without interruption or challenge. I did not try to solve her problems and commiserated with her about job stress. I was able to praise her abilities taking on supervision of the skilled unit. She did express stress when I redirected the conv away from the house, but agreed this was something she had told me she wanted the Ls to discuss. She seemed to think I knew all about it. I explained my L had not contacted me about it.

The person I spoke to today was my W. She was rational. She is still driving to D and splitting the marital assets. I think she still sees a payday on the horizon. I think only when she processes the reality of the course she is pursuing will she begin to have second thoughts.

So I will go dark except for the tax prep appointment. The rope is dropped. The emotions I have about this sitch are centered on the financial aspects of the D, not on the old R. It is dead and gone.