He did not go to the funeral with me. I got home around 10pm and we watched some TV. Not much said.
Yesterday he was a total jerk. I had to go get tires and text him a few questions. Why did I even bother? He was snarky. He never answered my question. BUT, when he got home he was pleased with my choice and so so.
Last night he had to drive to Santa Maria (7:00pm) Stupid me said, "do you want me to ride along?" He said I really don't care. So, I put my pajamas on and settled in for the nigh. He was standing around making idle chit chat for 15 minutes and finally said, "are you coming or what?"
So (back slide) I got dressed and went. I actually drove HIM 1/2 way there. After, we stopped at the casino and had a good time. It was like old times. We got home 3am and it was business as usual, I went to bed and he slept on the couch.
This morning he was rushed for work so I didn't really talk to him.
I am so confused...1 step forward, 1 step back. I want off the roller coaster. Why won't he decide if he is moving out (when) or decide to make a go of it?
I wont contact him today. No reason or excuse to.
me:51 H: 48 No kids together M:14 years seperated:Ask him to GET OUT 3/21/11 Piecing 09/14
Do you want our advice or not? It seems as if you ask questions as to what to do and you don't listen. Then something happens and you wonder why things happened the way they did.
IGNORE HIM.
Who cares if he was pleased with your tire selection. They are YOUR tires and he was a jerk when you asked for his opinion. He could easily gave you another snarky comment if he wasn't pleased with the tires.
It's all about control with him. You are the faithful dog that is wagging her tail when he gives you praise, and then fearful when he dangles the bone in front of your nose and pulls it away for fun.
You want off the roller coaster? Stop dancing to his tune.
M-43 W-40 2D - 9 and 5
Emotion, yet peace. Ignorance, yet knowledge. Passion, yet serenity. Chaos, yet harmony. Death, yet a new life.
VS2D, in the first couple of pages in this thread there were suggestions about doing things for you, GALing. Then there was this post.
Originally Posted By: verysad2day
All that is great advice. Except, I can't do it. I feel the weekends are the only times for us to "hang out" which we do. During the week it is just TV time and then off to bed I go and he on the couch. His biggest complaint was that I was always off doing things. I am having a hard time GAL and being there for him
IMO hanging out is a big contributor to the rollercoaster you seem to be on. You need to create some space for your own peace. You need to GAL to make any progress.
IMO you need a break from the crazy. To think through your plan. I know this may sound sexist, and I may get slapped, but go spend a few hours pampering you. Go have a spa day. The change of scene will do you good and having someone doing for you will be an escape.
It doesn’t have to be expensive. The local cosmetology schools here run discount specials. Take care of you first, then do what works for the R
BITS Me 55, ACK, when did that happen? Doesn't feel like 55 D 30 S 27
You create your own universe as you go along - Winston Churchill
I don't understand. The things I am doing are the 180's people talk about. 3 months ago, I would have rather chewed off my leg than drive 100 miles on a Friday night to ride with him on a work related job, much less go to the casino and get home at 3am. 3-6 months ago I would have welcomed the thought that he just drive alone.
I feel that every time I do/try a 180 and talk about it here, you are the first one to say that I am not listening. IDK, but maybe I have not clearly said what I didn't ever do for him prior to the bomb
me:51 H: 48 No kids together M:14 years seperated:Ask him to GET OUT 3/21/11 Piecing 09/14
I feel that every time I do/try a 180 and talk about it here, you are the first one to say that I am not listening. IDK, but maybe I have not clearly said what I didn't ever do for him prior to the bomb
Katie, Bond is very wise about DBing, plus he is giving you information from the VP of a man. He's not hounding you, he really cares or he wouldn't be putting in this much time toward your stitch.
I'm not sure what 180's you are refering to, but it often takes doing the opposite of what you should have done before the bomb. Maybe that is what's confusing.
The best way I know how to put explain it in a few words is it's like3 a girl playing hard to get. Only, you're not playing...it's for real.
If you make it so easy for him while he's treating you like dirt....why should he EVER think he should treat you any better?
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
Ok, that makes sense. Maybe I do now understand. His 100% complaint about me was that I DID HAVE A LIFE outside of the M. I was always busy, too many friends ect...I don't want to play hard to get. I want a M that we both thrive in. If I continue in my old ways, friends, outings ect...he will leave "nothing has changed. Today I did not call/text him. He must have thought I was back to being busy. I was taking a long hard nap. Anyway, he text me to remind me to eat lunch. Ya right? Like he has ever done that before. NEVER
me:51 H: 48 No kids together M:14 years seperated:Ask him to GET OUT 3/21/11 Piecing 09/14
See your H is VERY predictable. You notice that when you didn't respond back to him, he sent you a message that almost sounded like he cared about you. Don't fall for it. He's just trying to see if you were still under his control.
The thing is, you need to not ALWAYS be at his beck and call. I'm not saying to always ignore him, just pull a little closer, then pull back on your terms. Keep him guessing.
M-43 W-40 2D - 9 and 5
Emotion, yet peace. Ignorance, yet knowledge. Passion, yet serenity. Chaos, yet harmony. Death, yet a new life.
