A New Day?

[sandi2]

You are not ready for her to come home b/c you'll blow it. She's not ready by a long shot!

You are pursuing, smothering, assuming, wondering, doubting, and panicked. No, you're not ready.

Here is something I've seen as a common thread in LBH's. I don't know if it's just a man thing or what, but you have one thing and one thing only as your target and that's to get her home and committed 100% to working on the M. Right? I have seen in over & over in posts from the LBH's. But it doesn't solve things and it puts a lot of pressure on the R when the two of you are thrown back into that close environment and trying to pick up the pieces of your lives again. I think it puts too much pressure and one (usually the WAS) will crack under the stress and leave again.

So, you need to forget it! Yes, I said forget it--or you'll ruin everything! She can't commit right now. She's trying to do what she knows is the "right" thing to do, but her emotions are not cooperating. She is going through some really bad stuff and she's got a lot to come to grips with just within her own soul. She will be up and down for a long time.

Somebody else has tried to point out that coming back home too soon is not always good and it could lose your chance of working this R out. I think going to C and working it out before she comes back into the house would be much better. Then it could be like celebrating a new M. But I don't think you have all the tools you need right now. You have good intentions.....but how far does that get you?

That is why you've got to stop this craziness of getting her back in the house. That is not the answer to your problems. I think she is using good sense not to rush back. She's telling you to not push...give her breathing room and take this a step or baby-steps at a time. Wiull you listen, or will you continue to push b/c you think the most important issue is to get her back home?

I also do not think it is healthy for her to discuss any intimate part of her A with OM. Not with you. There are many testimonies of how once that information has entered into your brain...it is very difficult to get past and move forward without it being in the forefront of every thought.