Meganna, its very normal to be feeling that way. As you will read in this boards, detachment is really hard to master. We all watch what our spouses are doing, we are hopeful when things are OK, we look for little signs along the way (crumbs) and greedily gobble them up, then when they withold, we just panic and crash.

At least you are careful not to show it to him.

There are many ways to help cope with it, thought stopping, distract yourself, pray. A good cry also works wonders.

I have been in this sitch for 8 months now and it still hits me.

Me:49 H:45 D:12 M:14 T:18
Bomb: 6/26/10
EA: 9/3/10, fizzled out slowly, now ???
11/5/11 Retrouvaille
Finally piecing....
Its peaceful at last, but we got a looong way to go