Thank you so much for your reassurances and wisdom. You have given just as much as you have received. We can all say that!! We all are a "family" of loving supporters. We are all here to help each other and the "family" we have become is priceless.
First, I need to "HIGH FIVE" you virtually for the acceptance of your invite to have fun with Mr. GAG.
This could only happen because he is very comfortable and relaxed with you AND he is seeing YOU as someone he WANTS to spend time with. You have taken the time, created and nurtured a new friendship.
When my H left he made a comment to me about how "I disappointed him"....
He said: "With you, I thought I had finally found the one person who would never turn their back on me. I thought you would be by my side forever. I envisioned we would live to celebrate our 60th anniversary together".
I have never forgotten that conversation, it took place about 5.5 years ago.
Knowing the background with his family and mentors (coaches and other authority figures), this cut me in two. This is the comment that made me change. This was my kick in the a$$ I so desperately needed at the time to get off my "pity party" pedestal and was a moment I will also oddly treasure because of how I have changed and grown. This was my savior.
In my case the OW is comparative to H's Mother. She is a very selfish woman and not a very attentive or caring Mother. She runs a daycare in her home, has employees so she doesn't have to be present and makes comments like "I hate those F'n kids". She has told my friends how much she hates my son and has never met him.
OW's children are grown up and she can live very well now without responsibilities. I think H has always bucked responsibilities. It is strange though that he is very successful in business and the company is his first love, he is always working. As a Father he's great, as a Dad he s*cks!!!
OW is not a nurturer.
In appearance H's mother would have been perceived as a dotting Mother. In reality she was very selfish. In their home the kids rooms were down cellar in a wing of their home with an outside entrance while FIL and MIL lived upstairs on the second floor in a grand scale room. The kids hung out in the playroom, also down cellar and the parents were commonly found in their room. The family rarely had dinners together due to schedules. MIL and FIL traveled a lot leaving 4 boys to fend for themselves. I remember when H was 16 they took off for a business trip to China for over a month and the boys stayed home alone unsupervised their ages ran from 14-19. I would not have done that. They were all brought up to be very independent.
I am a nurturer. My true self is as a helper to all. I love being a Mom. I loved being H's wife. I love my home. I love to cook and eat meals together that are healthy and offer a home style menu every day. I would hold supper everyday til H got home so that my family could have dinner together as a family. In business I loved being H's partner and we worked together like a finely tuned piano. I am a doer. I take charge of things for the good of all. I am very responsible and have been accused of being too responsible and unable to have fun, especially since Son was born. I am working on that!!!
The description of OW is very opposite of me. She is an extreme extrovert with attitude. I think she gives H a run for his money. I think she is hard to handle but his ego overlooks her true self for the rush it gives him. I cannot compete with her persona and won't try. She is not respectable. These are not my words.
To answer your question about me, I feel H has always been turned on by me $exually. He and I have never really parted company in that way. He often makes comments about how much he likes my "this or that" and uses very flirty words.
(((((GAG))))), I still think you should flirt with XH in a $exy manner. I agree that they like $ex. In my case, H is controlled by it, I wish you could see the OW....OMG!!!!
Your XH is going to be turned on by the part of GAG who can $exually flirt. It is just as titillating for him as you were seeing his bare stomach and legs, probably more.
I think you will know when XH is aroused by your motions. What will be hard is to know when and how to flirt. I do believe there is a time and place for everything. I only say to go slow with him because anything hurried in these situations seem to scare them back inside the tunnel. Draw him out slow and I think you can keep him out.
GAG, so far you have supplied the perfect mix. I am not so sure that XH is ready for kissing or touching. He is definitely enjoying and interested in "playing". So, play. One day at a time.
GAG, don't try and rush this. Patience. Let's see if you do go out for fun with Mr. GAG and what transpires between you two. I think you are doing great....this stuff takes time.
If Mr. GAG enjoys hanging out with you, HE WILL eventually initiate the invites. This may be a while in coming, please don't give up or lose faith.
I see only positives in your situation
Sanderika
ME48/H48MLC T 33y M 28y S16 OW 8/7/05 Bomb 8/16/05 Sep 9/05 H f'd D 10/3/08 D pp'd 1/20/09,7/24/09,12/4/09 D dismissed 2/5/10 H served me D papers again 9/4/10 D dismissed 9/26/11
Hope you dont mind GAG but I thought Id share some really good moments in your thread.. one because I want to encourage you ladies and also because my thread has got lost in the sands of time and probably best left unrescurrected lol!
As I said in Cas's thread that at the beginning you have to learn to cherish crumbs as later on they will start looking like a gift of cake, rather ironic as at some point all our H's have had the lions share of our cake and eaten without a thought for sharing!
My reason to share is that for the first time my H has pre-empted my need for his affection, we normally go out on a friday night as we both have busy weekend hobbies and usually collapse in a heap saturday evening, and get ready for the onslaught of work on sunday evening. Much to my delight H suggested we went out thursday as he was heading on friday night and when we were out at dinner he spent most of the evening referring to OUR things, even when I thank him for sharing his dish he replied its our **** dish not mine..
He has also instigate a weekend away for some US time before I point out we havent had much US time..
I dont know about you ladies but the one thing I have learnt out of this upheaval is that you can always afford to step back admire the view and let things settle for a bit.. having always been the one to dive in and try and fix things and apply the lotion and bandage it has been a revelation to me, in fact quite ironically the "poke my awe in" girl has gone so much my new Team Leader suggested that I should have the confidence to chip in more often, perhaps some thing he will regret in hindsight lol!
I know that some of you are on the verge of some new things and as always we want to rush in and fix things but please dont take the quiet time and allow things to come to the brew slowly, it will have a better quality taste of victory for leaving it just a tad longer..
Once again hope you dont mind GAG hope you have a great weekend ladies Hugs Rabbit x
____________________________
W 47 H 47 M 24 T 30
Once lost but now found and happily married again!
Just a quick update at the end of the day. For some reason I was thinking XH was going to contact me again to follow up on his acceptance of my invite. He was the last person to email yesterday, so at lunch time I realized "DUH! GAG you're supposed to reply". When I went to my phone to reply, XH had already texted me a reminder this morning and suggested we go to a movie on sunday afternoon/evening. We e-mailed back and forth a bit, I suggested we go to the new pizza place after the movie, and he accepted right away. The tone of the e-mails was friendly and he clearly is interested in getting together.....Interesting.........So it looks like I have a "kinda sorta date" with my XH this Sunday at 5pm.........Now I have to figure out what to wear! Just like going on a date with a new guy!.....and that's the mindset I need to have this time. The old R is gone. This is a new R with a new guy.
BTW, XH suggested 2 movies and the one that received the best reviews is "The Adjustment Bureau", so that's what we're seeing. Interesting that he suggested a romantic movie for our fun evening.
Wow, GAG. This is such GREAT news. The fact that he reminded you sounds wonderful; he wanted to keep you at that date. The fact that he had a suggestion of what to do; even more wonderful. The fact that he agreed to pizza; most wonderful!! And a romantic movie....well what a bonus!
Yes, what to wear?? I think this is a new beginning and definitely needs that mindset. This is a new start to a new relationship. Can't wait for Sunday!
Wow a date what a brilliant move forward, and its really been instigated as a date, first thing lower those expectations NOW! Yep I know you think you are cool on this but you will have little expectations lurking so bash them on the head lol!
Secondly just be yourself, dont try and over cook this, dress wise suitable for the cinema but perhaps some thing with buttons down the front, so you can fiddle with the top one when youre eating your pizza, wink wink..
Ok I pulled Mr Rabbit on a dinner date, so if you sit opposite each other you can lean in towards them when listening, also you can move your legs around to get comfy under the table and accidently brush legs, "oops sorry got my legs in a pickle" and of course ask lots of questions.. not always immediately as you look silly and as if youre not paying attention, but let him natter on for a bit then go back and get further details on a question, that really shows interest and attention. If you have to wait at the bar, side by side lean into him a bit let him feel you side against him, even lose your balance and fall on him a bit.. Hope it goes well hun!
Back tracking a bit as I reckon I skipped a page of this thread without realising and caught it this morning, but my H's father died when he was ten, he is the youngest of three boys and hes mum was quite frank in saying she had got pregnant on purpose in the hope of a girl.. Also the eldest son was fav cos he was first born and like mum, second was like his father and my darling H was "and he came too"! In fact bless him I say he is more like his Nan his mother's mother. Unfortunately my father is a bossy so and so and never really fulfilled his role with me let alone be surrogate father to H, both sets of parents always believed we wernt right for each other.
At the beginning I can see my "mother hen" mode was much appreciated and gave him security and comfort, but over time my off switch became faulty and H became one of "my boys" not my H. Big mistake on my part but a big mistake on H's part for not pointing out he needed a W not a Mother. She had passed away when we had been married eight years, and again I wonder if he had "rose tinted" his view of her.
Anyway I just found it really interesting that again a parental crisis could have been the trigger for the bomb!
Once again wishing you all the best and will be thinking of you!
____________________________
W 47 H 47 M 24 T 30
Once lost but now found and happily married again!
All the best wishes I have for you and XH for tomorrow night.
A Movie and Pizza is perfect, fun and casual.
Rabbit is right about the expectations.....leave 'em home.
Wear something sexy and fun. Show off your figure, maybe something that shows your cleavage Something that makes your face and eyes look young. I remember you once caught his eye wearing a blue that showed off your pretty eyes. Maybe go with that color, Sexy jeans and heels would be fine for this kind of outing. You'll be sitting and not standing.
I will be looking for the update on events, I can't wait. It will be a highlight to my weekend.
(((((Hugs)))))
Sanderika
ME48/H48MLC T 33y M 28y S16 OW 8/7/05 Bomb 8/16/05 Sep 9/05 H f'd D 10/3/08 D pp'd 1/20/09,7/24/09,12/4/09 D dismissed 2/5/10 H served me D papers again 9/4/10 D dismissed 9/26/11
WOW GAG, this is a very exciting development in your new "story." I'll be looking forward to reading about it! Good luck!
M45 Bomb 6/09; EA 6/10; Divorced 1/11 Proud single mom of 7 little feline girls and one little feline boy "Fall down 53 times. Get up 54." -- Zen saying
You have taken the time, created and nurtured a new friendship. 
Something that makes your face and eyes look young. I remember you once caught his eye wearing a blue that showed off your pretty eyes. Maybe go with that color,