My Wife Wants to Separate

[zengypsy]

DF:

First of all you, please try to understand that YOU are NOT the cause of her anger issues. She obviously has some very deep rooted demons that she hasn't worked thru and in order for her to be whole for herself, she needs to address them, work on them and hopefully find some closure. Until she does, she will not be good to anyone; not even herself and problems are portable. So they will be with her wherever she goes, whatever she does, and whomever she is with.

Look, no M is ever perfect and living with another person is tough. Finding balance in a relationship is the central key of what will make it work and finding that balance is hard. We have work, kids, household things etc. By just coming here you have made the first step to becoming a new person for YOU. If she tells you she hates you for trying to save your M, you can tell her I'm not doing it for you, I'm doing it for me and to be an example to our children. Her reaction to things you say and do are her own frustration for being confused.

Think of the WAS as a lost piece of luggage. They will get to their destination in their own way and in their own time. I think you are wise to give her the space that she wants. You don't have to give up and I'm certainly not telling to do so. You know her better than anyone including herself. I have always said that you can move on but not give up.

Keep DB'g, going to IC, talking to your DB Coach. It will only benefit you in the end with or without her - hopefully with.

I encourage you to keep on the boards and post often.