Piecing is almost harder than before #2...

[Jack_Three_Beans]

Kinda took the air out of my feeling good over the kiss in the first place.

Learn the Art of STFU.

X that was all fine and good, and you went and pushed it.

"I'm sure it was hard for you..."

There you were looking for her to VALIDATE you.

"Oh no honey, it wasn't hard, it was easy, it was sooo easy..lets go to bed together!"


You pushed it, hoping for the response you wanted. Hell man, you even said:

"I'm sure that wasn't easy for you..."

Don't do that. Basic rule in Dbing, don't ask questions hoping to hear an answer you want, it is very similar.

That beautiful moment was partially ruined by your want/expectation/hope of getting a little bit more out of it, a verbal validation that it was easy for her.

Brother if it was easy? You wouldn't be in piecing right now.
Give her credit for doing it.
Don't take away credit that she was honest, with your statement.

[XYZ]

Ok, good 2x4. So what would have been a better response? Just leave it out there and not mention it? I considered doing that, but didn't want her to think "wow, must not have meant that much to him. He didn't even say anything about it".

I hate this game.

[XYZ]

I was thinking that I was validating HER by recognizing that it took effort on her part and wasn't easy for her to do....

[XYZ]

Brother if it was easy? You wouldn't be in piecing right now. Give her credit for doing it.
Don't take away credit that she was honest, with your statement.

Really good points. This is what I'll focus on.

[Jack_Three_Beans]

I was thinking that I was validating HER by recognizing that it took effort on her part and wasn't easy for her to do....

You DID validate her...however lets be a little honest here. You WERE hoping she would disagree, otherwise, it wouldn't have hurt when she agreed.

While you did validate, you triggered a trap of your own making.

[XYZ]

Yes, you're right I was hoping for that.

Triggering a trap against me is bad, but far better than doing something that messes with her frame of mind and I didn't do that....

I'm choosing to go back to feeling pretty damn good about it. Even it it was hard for her, a month ago it was impossible for her.

Impossible --> hard --> less hard --> easy

Can't jump from impossible to easy without going through hard.

[Jack_Three_Beans]

I like the way you think...realistically. : )

Time, effort and skill build the foundation of the house you are looking to build.

You lack in any of the three, and you have a crappy house.

[Harrier]

XyZ

I guess I don't get why it took the air out. I'd think it would do the opposite. It is hard for her to show that kind of affection, yet she managed to overcome that resistance to try to give to you in a way that was meaningful. She could've just ignored your text. She didn't.

I'd say that pretty awesome of her. Think about it, if she said it was easy for her, you could turn that around to "if it's so easy, why doesn't she do it more." I think sometimes we put our Ws in a no-win situation.

For every kiss and hug, I've gotten recently, I've never commented on it directly. I know it's hard for her, I know it means she's trying - that is enough for me.


My day - started off stressful but GREAT!. My W and I had an MC appt today, but we were running a little late. Our MC is really good. I got a little upset during the session as I feel like much of the talk is about me and the things I'm doing. We focused on our evening last night. My W and I were in the same room - she was on the internet and I was watching TV. No talking between us. it felt weird to me and it generated into a talk between us.
The MC had us break it down. From my view it felt like a waste because we weren't doing anything. From my W's view, it felt great because we could share space and just relax. (He said it's actually a good thing when couples can just share space without constant interaction.) The same event - two completely different takes. But we never talked about it before. It got us to really see how the same event can be viewed by each of us and basically to understand the difference. It's kinda hard to describe.

But my W had an aha moment at the end of the session and on the drive back to our house. She thought the session was great and we made some real progress.

So she drops me off at our house to get my car. We get out of the car for her to switch seats and me to go to my car. As we are leaving, she stops, gives me a kiss...then another. Then a hug. then whispers to me "I really love you." I was kinda stunned by managed to say I love you to. Then another kiss and another ILY.

good way to start the day.

[Jack_Three_Beans]

then whispers to me "I really love you."

Isn't that awesome? That stunned feeling.

Words do not come close to describe how glad I am for you right now Harrier.

[Bolt]

harrier, that is nice! keep staying on that path!