Miserabale (but unmoderated) - mini breakthrough

[zengypsy]

Brian:

I don't want to be the buzz kill, but what was your mini break through? It appeared to me based on what you wrote that you are still pursuing and she is going to push in the opposite direction you want her to. You are just showing her that you really haven't made permanent changes.

DB'g is essentially behavior modification and it's going to take a fair amount of time for you to make these changes permanent regardless of how committed you are. And I have no doubt that you and the rest of us here are ver committed. We all have to change a lifetime of behaviors and that doesn't happen overnight or in several months time. She is at the point where she doesn't believe you. Would you believe you either? Actions, validate, listen, patience. If your M was stagnent for so long, you can't expect for either of you to just jump back in with both feet. It won't work at all. What you have to do is practice patience and rebuild on your friendship. Get to know each other again. And, she may not be willing to do that right now. You can't force her into a direction she is not ready for. Keep the focus which is all about YOU. Practice detaching, 180's, GAL'g. The dynamic is to WANT your W, not NEED her. Big diff.