......are these itty bitty baby steps?

[Sanderika]

Hi GAG,

Thank you so much for your reassurances and wisdom. You have given just as much as you have received. We can all say that!! We all are a "family" of loving supporters. We are all here to help each other and the "family" we have become is priceless.

First, I need to "HIGH FIVE" you virtually for the acceptance of your invite to have fun with Mr. GAG.

This could only happen because he is very comfortable and relaxed with you AND he is seeing YOU as someone he WANTS to spend time with. You have taken the time, created and nurtured a new friendship.

When my H left he made a comment to me about how "I disappointed him"....

He said: "With you, I thought I had finally found the one person who would never turn their back on me. I thought you would be by my side forever. I envisioned we would live to celebrate our 60th anniversary together".

I have never forgotten that conversation, it took place about 5.5 years ago.

Knowing the background with his family and mentors (coaches and other authority figures), this cut me in two. This is the comment that made me change. This was my kick in the a$$ I so desperately needed at the time to get off my "pity party" pedestal and was a moment I will also oddly treasure because of how I have changed and grown. This was my savior.

In my case the OW is comparative to H's Mother. She is a very selfish woman and not a very attentive or caring Mother. She runs a daycare in her home, has employees so she doesn't have to be present and makes comments like "I hate those F'n kids". She has told my friends how much she hates my son and has never met him.

OW's children are grown up and she can live very well now without responsibilities. I think H has always bucked responsibilities. It is strange though that he is very successful in business and the company is his first love, he is always working. As a Father he's great, as a Dad he s*cks!!!

OW is not a nurturer.

In appearance H's mother would have been perceived as a dotting Mother. In reality she was very selfish. In their home the kids rooms were down cellar in a wing of their home with an outside entrance while FIL and MIL lived upstairs on the second floor in a grand scale room. The kids hung out in the playroom, also down cellar and the parents were commonly found in their room. The family rarely had dinners together due to schedules. MIL and FIL traveled a lot leaving 4 boys to fend for themselves. I remember when H was 16 they took off for a business trip to China for over a month and the boys stayed home alone unsupervised their ages ran from 14-19. I would not have done that. They were all brought up to be very independent.

I am a nurturer. My true self is as a helper to all. I love being a Mom. I loved being H's wife. I love my home. I love to cook and eat meals together that are healthy and offer a home style menu every day. I would hold supper everyday til H got home so that my family could have dinner together as a family. In business I loved being H's partner and we worked together like a finely tuned piano. I am a doer. I take charge of things for the good of all. I am very responsible and have been accused of being too responsible and unable to have fun, especially since Son was born. I am working on that!!!

The description of OW is very opposite of me. She is an extreme extrovert with attitude. I think she gives H a run for his money. I think she is hard to handle but his ego overlooks her true self for the rush it gives him. I cannot compete with her persona and won't try. She is not respectable. These are not my words.

To answer your question about me, I feel H has always been turned on by me $exually. He and I have never really parted company in that way. He often makes comments about how much he likes my "this or that" and uses very flirty words.

(((((GAG))))), I still think you should flirt with XH in a $exy manner. I agree that they like $ex. In my case, H is controlled by it, I wish you could see the OW....OMG!!!!

Your XH is going to be turned on by the part of GAG who can $exually flirt. It is just as titillating for him as you were seeing his bare stomach and legs, probably more.

I think you will know when XH is aroused by your motions. What will be hard is to know when and how to flirt. I do believe there is a time and place for everything. I only say to go slow with him because anything hurried in these situations seem to scare them back inside the tunnel. Draw him out slow and I think you can keep him out.

GAG, so far you have supplied the perfect mix. I am not so sure that XH is ready for kissing or touching. He is definitely enjoying and interested in "playing". So, play. One day at a time.

GAG, don't try and rush this. Patience. Let's see if you do go out for fun with Mr. GAG and what transpires between you two. I think you are doing great....this stuff takes time.

If Mr. GAG enjoys hanging out with you, HE WILL eventually initiate the invites. This may be a while in coming, please don't give up or lose faith.

I see only positives in your situation

Sanderika