Beatrice, thank you for your kind words. I'm glad that some of what I write helps people put together some puzzle pieces. I think that we all do that together.
Cas, what you wrote about initiating your skype convo with H gave me the idea to try initiating a "date" with my XH again. I will try to post the second part of my synopsis from "I Do Again" in the next few days. The pain point if "PATIENCE"! Cheryl was very patient, but even then, when she lost her patience and confronted Jeff, he ran right back into his man cave. She writes that there were many times that she said to herself "I give up!".
Seeking, a neurologist I work with mentored me in Cozolino's work. His general rule of thumb (based on everything HE had synthesized in those books) is that when there has been a traumatic incident in childhood (the unexpected death of H's father and change in mother's behavior) people get stuck emotionally and their coping skills get stuck at that stage. (I have often seen women who were sexually molested as young girls, wear Disney or Winnie the Pooh clothing even though they are in their 30s or 40s. That usually makes me suspicious that I should look for this.) Does your H cope like a 9 year old when he is stressed? How would you deal with a 9 year old?...........In our clinic, once the neurologist identifies the timing of the traumatic event he then uses "age-appropriate" strategies to communicate with a stuck patient more effectively.
