There are days when I am perfectly fine. Then, there are others where the world is coming apart.
I know this feeling well FOBD. I have narrowed my days of despair down and I can recognize when they will come. Usually it is between Monday and Saturday although I do take Sundays off from suffering, I have given myself permission to enjoy this day.
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I have to learn to accept the pace in which this thing is moving.
You have no choice in the matter. It is hard to suffer. You have been here long enough to know my sitch and I yours. I know the pain. We have zero control of them, we do have control of us.
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Any suggestions on how to handle this will be much appreciated.
Being a loving person is an unconditional thing. It’s not about, “I will love you if you come back “or “I will love you if you do things the way I want you to do them.” It’s about, “I will love you regardless of your decisions or your actions and I will treat you with dignity and respect even if i find your behavior to be completely unacceptable to me.”
But this does not mean being a doormat. Quite the contrary. Being a loving person starts with being loving toward oneself.
Managing your emotions is subtly but meaningfully different than trying to control them. When you try to control your emotions, you do so by rejecting and repressing them. It’s like putting a cap over a pot of boiling water and pretending the water isn’t boiling. I see this as a bad idea for several reasons:
It requires a lot of effort and is intrinsically painful;
It doesn’t really work; you can only control your emotions to a small degree;
The emotions eventually bottle up and they overwhelm you;
In the long term, the whole process is stressful and damaging to your health.
Managing your emotions is not about trying to reject them or repress them. It’s not a combative process, it’s a transformational process. To manage your emotions means to:
Accept they are there and there’s a positive intention behind them;
Understand both the external aspects of your life and the internal aspects of your thinking which create them, amplify them and sustain them;
Address these aspects and change them, in order to change your emotional reactions.
Have a good time FOBD at the wedding.
I leave you with this thought and I hope you say it to your self several times in your head before you enter the wedding.
