Cautiously Optimistic

[Queen_of_Swords]

Journal -
Well any of you that have follwed my other thread have probably figured out I've been in a slow spiral down to a really lousy head space. Throw in a migraine today and it's been just perfect. <sarcasm>

So last night was program night. I got out of that with a huge clue, tear streaked face and serious demeanor. Some personal revelations about oneself are quite painful, but necessary for change to occur.

I went to pick up the kids from H's place after this. He saw I had been upset and still suffering an emotional hangover effect from what happened in my program.

This morning he asked me about it. So I told him.

I realised later I've been making a mistake in doing that.

So, I called him up after asking him if he had a few minutes, and said I wouldn't be telling him about me or developments in my program amymore, he has made it clear with his actions that he really doesn't want to know me. That I realised that by telling him about me and what I've discovered about myself, in my view he was likely using it as a justification for his behaviour, because then I can be labelled in his mind as the crazy, messed up, party. He can continue to look outward and blame other stuff for his/our problems and not look inside himself.

H. did say he has gained some insight into himself from my personal candor about what has been going on with me in the program. A plus of sorts. H. hasn't said anything other than that, silence is his frenemy.

I do believe he's been passively relying on me to be the pioneer in this and avoid committing to the program himself.