Hey there - Sounds a bit like my story (remember me from way back when?) DBing worked the first go round, but a few years later we ended up divorced.
I'm sorry to hear about the kids - it [censored] for them and that's the one thing I can't forgive my ex for. And I hear ya about it being scary on your own - I'm buying a house and it's kinda terrifying to be the only one on the mortgage!
Still, I can honestly say my life is SOOOOO much better now than before he left. You have a chance to find your wings.
AS for the mediation - first of all, it is absolute BS that he hasn't been paying bills up to now. You're fronting all the money for the care of his kids? Ridiculous.
A few important things to remember about mediation: 1) Have your own lawyer if you don't already - not necessarily for the mediation itself, but someone you can reality check against. I had my own lawyer (as did my ex) and then we had the lawyer who did our mediation. I would talk to my own lawyer about issues as they came up, he could tell me what was a good deal and what wasn't, and could tell me what the courts were likely to give me. And really, that's what mediation is all about - figuring out what the courts would likely do anyway, then agreeing to it without the expense of going to court. 2) Mediation is JUST BUSINESS! This is NOT the place to work out your feelings about the divorce. The calmer and cooler a head you can keep, the better off you will be. 3) Don't give away the farm. The process of divorce is so uncomfortable, there's a temptation for the less aggressive person to just say "Ok, fine!" just to get it over with. Try to think carefully and rationally about every trade-off. Read a book on win-win negotiation and negotiating techniques, it may help you to get what you want. 4) Go armed with numbers. Tomorrow you should be able to detail your monthly expenses and how much you need from him for his share. I would also write up what you have spent since you separated on the kids - he should be reimbursing you for his share of that. 5) Try to find out from your individual attorney what is a likely financial scenario - you don't want to make big financial decisions about your future, like buying a house, without a realistic picture of what your finances will likely be (as an extreme example - what if you bought a house you thought you could afford, and then ended up having to pay alimony to the ex and child support because the boys moved with him? Not very likely, just pointing out the extremes). 6) Don't short yourself on retirement - if he has a better pension or 401k, make sure it is divided equitably.
