A Whole New World

[Dagny-2]

It has been a long time since I have been on the boards, time to move to a new location. I think I’m coming out of the moping stage of recovery, starting to stand up for myself verbally with my H (I think I have always done so with my actions, though, but speaking my mind more now). As my T said, where did being nice get you?

So 2 minute version: M22 years, S11 and S14, 7 years ago H went through a crisis of sorts, we did the C thing for about 8 months, he moved out for 5 months and then came back (EA during this time) and we were happy and moved on with our lives (so I thought). 2 years ago H took a job in a state 12 hours away. I stayed behind and made a deal with my job to stay through a transition (1 more year) and then move down and work from home. Boys and I move down 15 months after he did (he came home every other weekend and we spent all holidays/vacations together). The day after the boys started the new school he told me he didn’t want to be married to me….slowly the information about OW came out. I stayed until Thanksgiving, did my best DB efforts (he moved out 2 weeks after shocking me with the news), and the boys and I moved back. I still have my old job.

Sons are going through a difficult time, especially the 14 year old, he went from a mostly A student, to failing 5 subjects. I’ve been focusing on doing the best I can do at work and just getting by in my real life. I feel I’m starting to take some power back and become me again. I am searching for a house for the boys and me and starting to make plans to have a life for me, not just about the kids and work, but also for me.

I miss the companionship, I miss when something good (or bad) happens being able to call him, I miss my best friend. I’m scared sh*tless about being the sole-provider for me and my children. But there is a tiny part of me that is starting to get excited that I can do things for me. How I want. He has told me that it has always been “about me”, he felt neglected, I don’t see that at all and I’m tired of listening to him. I avoid phone calls with him, unless a child hands me the phone and I have no choice. He also told me that my messiness was a contributing factor to our separation. He doesn’t take any responsibility for his actions.

I have decided to go collaborative law, I am not a combative person and think it is better suited for my personality and better for the kids. We have our first 4-way meeting tomorrow. He has not paid me anything in support, in fact I pay his health care. My lawyer is going to address having him offer support to me. I am scared of how it will be sitting across a table from him discussing the dissolution of our life together. But there is a new world to discover and this is the beginning of a new journey.


Dagny