I'm so sorry to hear this! I'm not certain what you mean by "settlement conference"? Will this be in front of a judge? Is this supposed to be an actual attempt to negotiate a settlement?
GAG-basically, the settlement conference is to sit down and agree on property division, C/S, division of debts and setting a parenting plan. I didn't agree with the one that H's L drew up so we are meeting to see if we can come up with one we both agree to.
I will be surprised if H agrees to my counter but if he does, we will be on our way to making the D final. If he doesn't agree, we will probably go to court.
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Courageous, sorry to hear that. We had our settlement done last year. We used mediation and it was still a gruelling process. I'll be sending some good vibes your way and thinking of you.
Hugs!
Me: 41 STBXH: 36 D: 11 S: 9 BOMB 12/2009 SEPARATED 5/2010 D SERVED BY ME 9/2010 FINAL D When I'm ready
Hi Courageou, I saw you posted a question on my thead regading the mediation process and whether I saw the Monster throughout it. Yes, absolutely. H becamse an entitled little PR to the point that all of our mediation was scheduled via conference call instead of face to face because I found it easier to separate the issues and to keep my focus on the kids when I didn't have to see his face. The mediator told me it was very unusual to do these sessions via conference call but I held firm that it was the only way I would proceed.
Prior to this dividing of assets we had been on fairly friendly terms but everything changed at that point. I don't mean to scare you but do want you to be prepared. One thing I learned at the end of it all was to pick my battles. I took only what I knew I needed to be able to provide for my kids and let him go off into greedy land. It's funny, it took a while, (last December to be exact), but he has started apologizing for some of the things he did during that process. I on the other hand, can look myself in the mirror and know that I did right by me and have no regrets and nothing to apologize for during that process.
I'm not saying to let everything go because you do have to protect yourself financially of course. The other thing I didn't have to deal with at the time was OW and I may have approached things differently if I had. In my case, I would tell myself that I could fight over $5K but the associated court costs would make the effort futile and at least if I let it go, that money would somehow go towards the kids. I don't know if this was the right approach, but it is what kept my sanity at the time. I would have a picture of the kids with me when I would take the calls as well, just to keep my focus where it belonged.
Hugs to you!
Me: 41 STBXH: 36 D: 11 S: 9 BOMB 12/2009 SEPARATED 5/2010 D SERVED BY ME 9/2010 FINAL D When I'm ready
Thankyou so much for posting your experience during the mediation process. I am pretty sure that I am going to see monster after we begin...it might not be right away but it will happen! Nice to know that a friendship can happen after everything has settled down!
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Yep, it can. Takes some time for those wounds to heal but I found that really putting things into perspective, for the long run, certainly helped! We had some very exepensive and irreplacable artwork that I may never get back that he felt "entitled to" but at the end of it all, I looked at it like it was just "stuff". There were so many things that were, and still are, far more important to me ... my dignity was one!
Love and hugs to ya Courageous ... you will get through this.
Me: 41 STBXH: 36 D: 11 S: 9 BOMB 12/2009 SEPARATED 5/2010 D SERVED BY ME 9/2010 FINAL D When I'm ready
The local church in town is offering Dave Ramsey classes...last night was my second one. I am already impressed and would highly recommend it to anyone who is interested in getting out of debt! I think it is going to be very helpful!
I have a meeting with my L to go over what I want in the settlement on Wed....
Kids are both spending the night at friends tonight so have the whole night to myself!
Hope everyone has a great weekend!
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