My Story - He Cheated while I was Pregnant

[AJM80]

Well, I was saving my "last" phone therapy session for when H said he missed us and wanted to come back. But I need it for me sooner.

I think I'm doing things right, other than being a little impatient. I feel like I am running out of time. I do NOT want to go back to work. I want to stay home with my kids. But Tera and others are correct about keeping means of supporting myself. But if I go back full time, I would never get back being a SAHM. So, I am looking at part time options and a program they have for a controlled/temporary sabbatical kind of thing. I don't know if I would qualify. My bosses would have to lobby hard for it, I think. But I am a good employee and I think they would do that for me.

Anyway, I am pretty mad at H right now. Lol - and YES, I realize that I am pretty much being mad at a baby for pooping in their diaper right after you just changed it and got them all bundled up to go outside. Irrational, unproductive, and you're conscious of how silly it is, even while you're mad.

I just wish he'd crack already. I'm a freaking awesome wife. He's capable of being a pretty good H and father, I think....and I KNOW how capable he is of being a terrible H and father, since he did it last summer.

Pretty sure he's still with OW. I asked the other night and he didn't answer, so I just brought up the issue I had with something he had done. I had said (and he agreed) when I found out about OW, no sharing food, drink, kissing on mouth, bathing w/ kids (we often jump in the shower and just wash up the kid at the same time). He broke one of those rules and I thought I'd ask before I got on him about it. So when he avoided the question, I just nicely reminded him about the rule he broke. She's a stripper, not a school teacher. Yecky germs.

I need help from Chuck - I'm not sure if I am being too friendly here. We talk about random things, like we're still good friends.

So I am angry that I am in this job position, that he won't/can't talk about it with me - since I could use it against him in court. I am angry when my D cries because she wants her Dad. I'm annoyed that I havent gotten sex or physical attention in MONTHS. lol. I'm seriously annoyed that he does not see the CLEAR benefit of staying together or at least the horrors of divorce. So torn between keeping a line open, shutting it down, or maintaining status quo (maybe cake eating).