You are in a defense mode. If you can just sit with it and do nothing for awhile, it will help you to sort out what it is you do want.
My rule of thumb was not to react to anything (as much as I am able). If I got angry or was feeling repelled, I went for a long walk, did something with D's, whatever and did not open my mouth about it.
Eventually you will be able to sort things out in your mind. It may take awhile. Be patient.
Give yourself alot of credit for not beating him to death. Just kidding...sort of. Your emotions can turn on a dime. I could go from crying to full on rage in a heartbeat. It's all a learning experience as we process all of this and what it means for us, our kids, etc.
I think it's especially easy being the one that has been rejected to want to save face etc. I read this great book years ago titled "Thick Face, Black Heart". It was originally for an ethics class I believe, but oddly, I found I could apply some of what was said to my own behavior in this case.
I can't remember if you have Michele's books. If you do, now might be a good time to reread them.
