A New Day?

[ninelives]

Islander :

This is a good thing. Trust me. I know you want the fairy tale ending and I am pulling for you but dont make the same mistake I made. My W came back with a note that pledged undying love, 7 pages of it. But the problem was, it was just a note. It was never there in her eyes, in her kiss or hug.

We just went through the motions and she contiued her affair.

I hate to say this and I hope i am wrong but be very careful about the OM. She admitted to you that she may have trouble getting over him. Her head says that you are the correct choice but her heart may still belong to him. And that may take some time to get over. Do you have the stones to see her crying over him at times. She may never tell you why she is upset but that may be the reason.

As i say, I am not trying to put a damper on your success. When My W came back, she promised me she would never leave again but then 4 months later, she is gone and still with OM.

The councelling is a positive step and maybe she will come arouund and commit herself to you completely. I think you should be wary when she says she will NEVER cheat again.

All the best Islander. Those are just my opinions and I am jaded to be sure.

9
BITS

[islander]

I hear you loud and clear. I asked her who ended the A, she said that it was her choice and it was hard to do. I know she is making steps in the right direction, I just want to get there. You know what I mean.

So far she has been honest with me IMO about what she has told me about the recent events with OM and how she is feeling. And yes it hurts me to hear certain things, but does not change mh determination to save my M. I read several books on A, and I know what she is feeling before she even tells me. I know she will not get over him overnight, and I would be very VERY suspicious if she told me so.

I feel like I am getting closer to having my W back, but the closer I get the more scared I become of losing her. This has to be natural. I can't really imagine feeling differently. I would think there was something wrong I I didn't feel this way. I just thought I was a step closer than I actually am.

[MrBond]

Start reading about affairs and how to heal from them. Surviving Infidelity is a good resource. First and foremost...go to C. Find out what issues there were in the M in the first place (on both your parts) so it doesn't happen again.

If you don't solve that, I can almost guarantee you that you will be back here again. I've seen it time and time again.

[Denver_2010]

but the closer I get the more scared I become of losing her. This has to be natural.

I think that this is completely normal. I feel the exact same way.

I'm happy for you Islander. Stay focused though. One thing that I can tell you is that the closer that you get to reconciling, the more focused that you need to be not to backslide into old habits.

BITS
Denver

[islander]

Bond,

We are going to start counseling hopefully next week. We have already started talking about how we got to where we are at right now, and I know we have a lot more to talk about. The one thing we have going for us is we had a good relationship to begin with, we just got off track.

I will look at the book you suggested, but I think I am going to buy His Needs Her Needs tonight. I read the entire book, and I think it does a good job explaining both how we got here and how to move on after the affair.

Denver,
Thanks for your support. I don't think I will have to worry about backsliding, but I will keep it in mind and be on guard. I don't feel like I am the same person I was 6 months ago. I want more out of our M. I am not going to settle for the status quo or think that I can wait till tomorrow or have the rest of our lives to fix a problem I know we have. That was the old me. I recognized the problem, didn't realize the seriousness of thinking we had eternity to fix it.

[islander]

W just text me a little bit ago and said thankyou for being patient and giving her time.

I told her that I can't help myself, that I love her.

W has told me she loved me several times now, and it helps seeing her wear her rings.

[islander]

I am also going to buy the 5LL tonight too.

[JustStunned]

I am also going to buy the 5LL tonight too.

Excellent

[Denver_2010]

W just text me a little bit ago and said thankyou for being patient and giving her time.

I told her that I can't help myself, that I love her.

W has told me she loved me several times now, and it helps seeing her wear her rings.

That is awesome Islander! And yes, the key is patience.

BITS
Denver

[islander]

Right now it seems as though patience is the real struggle for me. I don't have a choice. I guess time is on my side.