W called me on phone today to talk about our kids and conversation turned to D. We talked about how we are not getting anywhere and what the status was. W said that when we are together she is happy and that she feels that the R are good but after I am away she gets confused. W said she has made her decision (D) but is now second guessing it because of different things, one being the 180's/steps I have taken. I asked W if she was happy and she said that she is less stressed and not negative but would not say that she is happy. She said that she changes her mind about the D from day to day. Talked ended with her saying that she wanted for things to stay the same.
It has been extremely difficult for me to detach from the outcome of this sitch. The $ in our sitch and the fact that I am scrapping up her crumbs has left me with the feeling that I have no control over myself and that I am letting her dictate me emotionally. I feel that there are no boundaries to our sitch.
So I went to her work and told her the following: You know my intentions/beliefs about our relationship but at this time I can't continue to feel like I do. I need to focus on the kids and me and to do that some changes need to be made. I am taking control of my $ but will continue to support you financially. I also need sometime for me so I want communication between us to only be about the kids. I am not forcing you to make a decision or giving you a ultimatum. We both need to focus on ourselves right now.
W agreed, told me to open my own account and put my check in it. Said we need guidelines on how things are going to go. I needed to do this for me. I need to get to the point that I know I will be fine whatever the outcome and I can't get there by doing what I was doing, which was nothing. Big picture I don't know if this was right move to getting back together, all I know is what I was doing was working in that direction. I did not do this to make her see how hard it will be financially. I wondering thou if I did enough? I'm thinking now that I should have asked for the D paperwork and let the chips fall where they may.
