I just wanted to check in with everyone to say a quick hello.
I haven't been on the boards much these days because there has been no change in my sitch and with 20 days until the D is final, I doubt there will be any change. Plus I'm starting to get into my busy time at work before the summertime comes then everyone will be away starting in June. Then I will enjoy my quiet time again!
I did get 2 emails from STXH about a week ago. It was very business-like. Just about taxes and some insurance remibursement checks he owes me. I get anxious now when I get emails from him. Then I calm myself down.
I have made the decision to continue to DB even tho I will be D'd. I have to admit thought that there are days that I wonder if it's the right decision. On most days I think it is. I think for me with all the progress that I have made, that I have hope that my STXH one day will have the trust in me to see that my actions now support my words. And we can start off reconnecting as friends. I then would be able to get a better gage on things and if nothing changes, I truly feel that I/we have given it a fair shake on every level possible. That would be closure.
I know that the 16 year M I had is dead and gone. And I am happy about that because it wasn't working. It has taken me a long time to figure that out and accept it. What I want is a new M, hopefully some day with my STXH because I know that I now have what it takes to make it work.
I have greatly appreciated all the very wonderful advice I have gotten on these boards and continue to receive. These are some of the greatest gifts I get each day.
I pray for each and every one of you to stay on your journey and continue to be stronger every day.
Much love - ZEN
BITS
M: 48, H: 42 Kids: 0 T: 20 yrs M: 16 yrs. (H's 1st, my 2nd) WAS/MLC: 12/7/09-I'm not the wife HE deserved Came home per L: 12/26/09, Left again: 2/6/10 Served: 10/21/10, D FINAL: 6/15/11
M: 48, H: 42 Kids: 0 T: 20 yrs M: 16 yrs. (H's 1st, my 2nd) WAS/MLC: 12/7/09-I'm not the wife HE deserved Came home per L: 12/26/09, Left again: 2/6/10 Served: 10/21/10, D FINAL: 6/15/11
Hi Zen, Sounds like you are in a good place. I know the rollercoaster continues. You seem to be handling it with grace. I too plan to continue to DB after the D. Like so many I have come to beleive W needs to get to her destination before she will examine the outcome of her decision.
BITS Me 55, ACK, when did that happen? Doesn't feel like 55 D 30 S 27
You create your own universe as you go along - Winston Churchill
Hi Zen, Sounds like you are in a good place. I know the rollercoaster continues. You seem to be handling it with grace. I too plan to continue to DB after the D. Like so many I have come to beleive W needs to get to her destination before she will examine the outcome of her decision.
Very well said JS. Someone had said that to consider our WAS's as lost luggage. I cannot agree with that more.
BITS
M: 48, H: 42 Kids: 0 T: 20 yrs M: 16 yrs. (H's 1st, my 2nd) WAS/MLC: 12/7/09-I'm not the wife HE deserved Came home per L: 12/26/09, Left again: 2/6/10 Served: 10/21/10, D FINAL: 6/15/11
Hey all ... sounds good Zengyp ... I would like to add that you should think of DB as a way of life. A way of communicating with everyone, a way of being healthy and emotionally responsible. Keep doing it for you!
Peace PEI
Holding onto anger to punish someone else, is like lighting yourself on fire to get smoke in their eyes ~ 25yearsmlc
Very well said JS. Someone had said that to consider our WAS's as lost luggage. I cannot agree with that more.
I've never heard that one before. That is such a great quote! So perfectly fits.
I know right?! I wish my brain cells were that creative these days to coin these cool phrases.
BITS
M: 48, H: 42 Kids: 0 T: 20 yrs M: 16 yrs. (H's 1st, my 2nd) WAS/MLC: 12/7/09-I'm not the wife HE deserved Came home per L: 12/26/09, Left again: 2/6/10 Served: 10/21/10, D FINAL: 6/15/11
Zen, So good to hear from you. And it is wonderful to hear that you are doing well. Maybe when you have some spare time, you can give me lessons on how to detach, because I am struggling with that terribly.
But, you sound great and I am very happy for you. Remember, the D is not the end, right? Please keep in touch!
BITS never walk alone!
FOBD
Me: 39 W: 36 T: 15 yrs M: 9 yrs S: 09/10
So you can get on with your search, baby And I can get on with mine And maybe someday we will find, That it wasn't really wasted time...
Hi Zen, You have done an amazing job. No, the D is not the end. Keep taking care of yourself. I am using you as a model on how to handle if (probably when) I get to where you are. If/When you are done .... then you will be ready. And this is what DB does for you .... it gives you your life back. With, or without the WAS. You are handling this WONDERFULLY ... and really living up to your moniker ..... you are very zen right now.
B.I.T.S
Formerly known as onStepAtATime Me:31 W:31 T:13 yrs M:8 yrs D: 20 months ILYBNILWY: 9/22/10 "I want a separation" 1/05/11
