Yes, BM, you do. Once you find your boundaries and your way in life....Yes you CAN "get over it". See, the trick here is not doing anything to show your wife what she is missing, it's all about showing YOU what your wife will be missing. Once you figure that out, she will know what she is missing.
All the 180's and GAL'ing is for you. NO one else. Chances are it took awhile for your wife to reach the point to step out on your marriage. Chances are YOU had a lot to do with it. I'm not saying your at fault for HER bad decisions, but until you really get to the point where you FORGIVE and work on yourself, then you will not get over what she has done.
That's why all this BS hurts so much, we come here to save our marriage, but ultimately we need to save ourselves. Even if your the perfect guy and you did NOTHING to deserve this, you still have to find it in your heart to forgive her. The crappy part about all this is the TIME it takes.
See the time she needs at this point outweighs what you want. Time and change is what dictates your future. You want change, then you become the best you possible. Only after that time, will she MAYBE see what she is missing. You have to remember, if she's with someone else, she's also under the "addiction" of an affair. By separating and protecting yourself from HER bad decisions, you can focus on you and better yourself. Once you accept this, the sooner she might see that shift in you. That's why putting up with infidelity is such a battle, You have to show yourself capable of moving on, but you have to strong enough to forgive her and accept that this is her choice. If you don't show her that you are not willing to put up with the affair, she will test you til you do show her your worth more. What this means is detach and become a you that can manage with or without her.
As far as time goes, what will you do with this time?....use it as a gift to better yourself.
Remember, ultimately, what she will find attractive is you letting her go and the ability to move on without her. I'm not saying give up on her, but do something that allows you to focus on you, detach from what she thinks. Focus on you.
"Build it and they will come".
It mirrors what Grit is telling you as well.
This is going to be the journey of your lifetime, and in some ways , the journey FOR your lifetime...
Don't be afraid of it
Don't shy away from it
Embrace it, and see where it takes you...
And for now, think of your wife as lost luggage...
Everything is your choice..
To stand
To not stand
As long as it is YOUR choice , for you, not for her.
She gets to make her own choices
Right now, you aren't one of her choices. Will you be eventually ?
Maybe...maybe not..
That is why you work on the things you can control.
You decide if you sign those papers or not....YOU
The worst thing you could possibly imagine has already happened...
Everything else ?
Your choices..
Is you being either married or divorced, going to define who you are ?
