MLC WIFE THREATENS LEGAL ACTION

[Truegritter]

Bobby

I may be wrong about this. But she wants you to admit to it so she feels less guilt about her own choices.

I would be cautiously optimistic about this.

I would watch her actions and not her words.

See how much heavy lifting she is prepared to do for this to occur.

Others may know more than I what it looks like when there is a step toward real reconciliation.

This feels like she is reacting still and not fully baked on the idea.

[fisherman]

She also wants me to admit to an affair which never happened many years ago.

Nope...

She said I would need to admit to this prior to counseling. My position is that I will not admit to something I did not do. I would enter counseling but she wont unless I admit to something I did not do. I have a call out to a counselor and see what is advised. Bobby o

Don't do anything. And don't EVER sell yourself out like this.

I guess I'm missing the point as to why and what exactly you need to hear from this counselor.

She is asking you to build a new relationship based on a lie.

No.

She's still out there dude. Be very careful....

[Bobby O]

I spoke with my counselor who says wife not happy so she does not want me happy. I was told move forward and if she wants to reconcile I will hear her say it.Bobby o

[fisherman]

You can't place much stock in her words.

If/when she's really ready, she'll show you.

Tread with caution and keep showing her a better, stronger you.

Pay close attention how you act around her, just try to make sure you don't show her anything negative.

[Bobby O]

Thanks. Her car is in repair shop and I am covering expense. She actually said thank you. I am trying to be kind but I am so hurt and angry. I dont want to get my hopes up because I want to stop hurting. Bobby O

[Bobby O]

I received a text last night from my wife asking when she was getting the separation agreement to review. I showed her proof which she asked for that I had been communicating with the lawyer. I truly believe that my wife has no intention to reconcile and I think I need to move on. She did her best to interfere with my lady friends and again this was post her. I wonder if she has met someone or is dating and wants to validate her dating with this agreement. I believe if she truly loved me she would tell me she wanted to reconcile. My son told me of a book and now it is like a documentary called The Secret. Oprah apparently had author of book on her show. In summary you have to be positive with what you want and be happy. If you are attracted to the person then it will happen because you are positive and upbeat. I need to move on.Bobby O

[seeking answers]

Bobby,

Obviously you're a very intelligent man. I have to ask if you ever read Divorce Remedy or the MLC resources that Cadet sent you the links for?

This is not a short or easy process for the MLCer. It is more often measured in years vs. months. Once the train has gone off the track for the MLCer it takes a long time to get it back on there.

The question is, do you have the stamina to out last your wife's MLC? There are no guarantees on how it will all end. The one thing you do have is time to work on yourself so you don't repeat the same mistakes in your next relationship, whether it's with your W or someone else.

I agree with you about remaining positive and upbeat, Bobby. I also think from what you've wrote that your W is definitely watching what you're doing. She is still very interested in your life. Maybe you're not doing quite what she expected you'd do when she left...

[Bobby O]

I think you are right. I know she has of late told me some issues that have bothered her while we were married. I believe for the most part I have corrected those problems. She has to come to me. I believe she cares and she told me she loved me the other day. She told me she now knows it was not my job to make her happy. She learned it was her that had to make her happy. I believe that was huge. I have been all alone for so long and it is tough to keep hoping for something that may not come to be. I will work on me and whatever happens happens. Bobby O

[Bobby O]

I have been receiving texts and phone messages from my wife. There is a stalemate. She will not consider counseling unless I admit to affair while we were married that never happened. I dont know how to get her past that. I am so frustrated and now she is threatening to date and have an affair. I can not believe that knowing this wife of mine for thirty years;that it has come to this. I want things to work but she has to meet me half way. Any ideas out there? Bobby O

[seeking answers]

Bobby,

I agree that you should not admit to something you haven't done. I guess the question would be why your W insists that you do. I suppose it's possible that it's her guilt for doing what she's done and she needs something substantial to justify that??? To even the score so to speak. These are just ideas Bobby, as no one can really know.

Do not react to her threats. I believe they are meant to get a reaction out of you. I truly think that this move she made is not giving her the happiness she thought it would. She may be starting to process all of it, but she is not ready to meet you half way yet.

If you haven't read the MLC resources yet, or it has been a while, do yourself a favor and go back over them. You will see that what she is doing is typical of the MLCer.

Keep giving her space Bobby. You are doing well.