Busting: Based on your post, I'd say I am still not free. Although I have days that I do very well, there are still days I think way too much about "what's gone". I can say I stopped thinking about what went wrong, so I can say there has been progress.
My best position so far was when I threw up my hands and said there's nothing more I can do. As I have heard and read, I put it in God's hands. That was just before that first hearing, and I was unbelievably calm then and everything went well.
I completely agree with your advice to, "quit crying about crap like this...". I realize that is wasted energy and I am working on that daily.
I am a great father, but I still feel I could focus more on being a better parent and less on W. Also I was eating well and excercising regularly for about 6 months, but the last two months I have not. I MUST get back to that because it made me feel great about myself and reduced stress greatly! I would like to take more time for myself, to recharge more frequently. I can see I need to put some more thought into this.
My biggest obstacle is trying not to focus on W. We currently do not speak at all, and I must admit I'm more relaxed because of it. I found myself getting dragged into her drama party and then blamed for causing it, so currently I have decided it's best to just block her out for the moment until I can get my bearings. I decided to sort of scrap any hopes of reconciling and just focus on me and life without her... I have accepted this is a likely outcome.
