"Just looked at FB and he posted a picture of a new car with a caption that says "Happy Birthday, OW!!!
He has no idea that I am on to this weekend. He knows that I suspected something between them. He told me no, so I never mentioned to him again."
So what about this? DO NOT discount your instincts. You'll often find out they're right on the money.
The reason why he cries could be for a number of reasons. If he is going through a MLC, he's re-evaluating his choices and thinks his life is f*cked up. He feels he has made the "wrong" decision and is wondering how to fix them. Maybe he actually feels guilty for hurting you. He could be feeling ineffectual as a man for not being able to take care of things. All sorts of things.
Whatever the reason, the only thing YOU need to worry about is you. These are things only HE can figure out. This isn't about you. It is about him.
It all comes down to one thing: Personal Responsibility
Unless he takes responsibility for HIS actions instead of blaming you or anything else around him, then there can be no R. If there isn't that acceptance of his actions by him, the issues will keep coming up again and again.
Stick to building yourself up. YOU have to outshine everything else he sees right now. You have to be the positive force that guides him. Like a moth to a flame. You need to be the flame that burns the brightest.
M-43 W-40 2D - 9 and 5
Emotion, yet peace. Ignorance, yet knowledge. Passion, yet serenity. Chaos, yet harmony. Death, yet a new life.
I am 100% positive he didn't buy OW a $300,000 car. If he did, I have bigger problems that a divorce. I out earn him. That said:
Today I met with my counselor and she suggested that I start making small changes in my life to be prepared for the worst.
On my way home, I stopped into the Verizon store to look around. I inquired if I could take my phone number with me. He was contacted (it is his account) and all HELL broke loose on my way home....How dare you...blah blah blah, are you going off on your own. I paid that cell phone bill for almost 9 years for you. more vomit.
I was mulling over the probability that I would detach financially from him. Plus, I do not like that he has access to who calls me, who I call and so on. Not that I have anything to hide.
Yuck, when I finally thought we had resolved, he would move (as planned) and we would go from there.
Thoughts?
me:51 H: 48 No kids together M:14 years seperated:Ask him to GET OUT 3/21/11 Piecing 09/14
You see how quickly he turned things around to make it that YOU are the one hurting him?
IMO, this is what you should do. The next time he starts spewing, when it gets out of hand, hold your hand up and say that you don't appreciate being talked to like that and will be happy to revisit the issue when things are less emotional. Then walk out.
You have to show him that you are going to be the strong one from now on. Not him.
This incident is only one event. It will get much worse. You can count on it.
M-43 W-40 2D - 9 and 5
Emotion, yet peace. Ignorance, yet knowledge. Passion, yet serenity. Chaos, yet harmony. Death, yet a new life.
My 2 cents here is that if you have the ability to financially detach start doing it immediately.
You need a strong sense of certainty and control in your life and right now it appears you are way too needy and dependent.
Accept the truth that right now he is not acting like a husband or a caring and committed partner.
Until he is, detach, detach, detach.
In every way possible.
That is the best chance you have of attracting him back to you for real, but far more importantly, it is the best chance you have to become true and happy within yourself.
I am being the possibility of:
1) Integrity 2) Loving myself completely. 3) Things flowing naturally between us, without any fear or attachment to the outcome.
Last night< I did not call H and ask about dinner. I was not feeling well and went to bed instead of waiting for him on the couch. I did here him come in and later come upstairs to cover me.
This am, he was up early. He was hanging around in the bedroom as I was getting dressed for work...ODD
Today's goal: No text or call AND if I feel like making dinner I will. I will not ask him if he will be home or not. He knows how to work the oven.
me:51 H: 48 No kids together M:14 years seperated:Ask him to GET OUT 3/21/11 Piecing 09/14
You see how quickly he turned things around to make it that YOU are the one hurting him?
IMO, this is what you should do. The next time he starts spewing, when it gets out of hand, hold your hand up and say that you don't appreciate being talked to like that and will be happy to revisit the issue when things are less emotional. Then walk out.
You have to show him that you are going to be the strong one from now on. Not him.
I agree. This will establish your boundary. It will also earn you more respect.
Bomb 8/09. Brief piecing 12/10. D-2/12 Two incredible kids D9,S6 Leading new life! “Success is not to be pursued; it is to be attracted by the person we become."
I stuck to my goal yesterday and made no contact about what time are you coming home or dinner. I will do the same today/tonight.
For the last three days my H has said some unusual things. First, he told me "Maybe it is a mid life crisis" I didn't respond. I don't know if he was talking about himself or me?
Last night he muttered something about wasting a lot of money lately, thru all this.
Last night he came home with tons of stuff from Costco. He doesn't seem like a man ready to move.
me:51 H: 48 No kids together M:14 years seperated:Ask him to GET OUT 3/21/11 Piecing 09/14
Ignore all that. Take a look again at what he said.
It's costing HIM alot of money. Maybe it's an MLC.
He's processing his thoughts and saying them out loud. Right now all he thinks is negative and that it's him against the world.
Bullsh*t. While you can't control what he thinks, you can plant little seeds of positivity that may steer his thinking in a positive manner. Compliment him at times even when he doesn't reciprocate or says something nasty in response.
I've used the analogy before that MLC is like a hurricane. Your H is the hurricane and is destroying everything he held precious. Out of control and going in every direction. You must be like the mountain that stands in its path. No matter what he throws at you, you will stand strong and won't budge. You are the strong woman who will not be moved emotionally or physically.
M-43 W-40 2D - 9 and 5
Emotion, yet peace. Ignorance, yet knowledge. Passion, yet serenity. Chaos, yet harmony. Death, yet a new life.
The only thing he seems to be destroying is our marriage. His carrer is awesome, he has great friends, a great house and fun toys. And this pesky thing called Facebook...ugh
me:51 H: 48 No kids together M:14 years seperated:Ask him to GET OUT 3/21/11 Piecing 09/14
My H is like that too - comes home with tons of new stuff - he buys cookware, a fish fryer, tons of spices.... definitely not the actions of someone who has a foot out the door. Rather that of one who is nesting. Weird, right? Its like their actions are not consistent with words.
Don't be surprised , MLC=Confusion
Me:49 H:45 D:12 M:14 T:18 Bomb: 6/26/10 EA: 9/3/10, fizzled out slowly, now ??? 11/5/11 Retrouvaille Finally piecing.... Its peaceful at last, but we got a looong way to go
