How do you trust someone who isn't sorry?

[hope2011]

Nope you're arguing a moot point. Re-read your post just now. You were actually contradicting yourself in the same post.

I never said to be confrontational, just don't respond right away. You don't want to walk on eggshells, then don't. Standing up for yourself and seeing to your needs means that you gain self-respect.

"I feel like I'm constantly auditioning for the part of his wife and if I pass, he reciprocates my efforts."

Wrong. He has to pass being a H to you. The reason why you think like this is because you've lost your sense of wealth. You are the prize to be won. Not him.

You're his third W. He's learned that if things get tough, then he should bail. You have to get him to WANT to fight for you. HE has to prove his worth to you.

"It's exhausting and unfair and makes me pull away more every day. So I am GAL'ing, building up walls even as I DB."

It's called detaching. But it's a delicate dance. You want to detach without totally resenting him if you want the M to survive.

You are so right, on all of it. Thank you.

When I met H I was dating many guys and 1 even potentially seriously. I chose H. He pursued me, wined and dined me, he was Prince Charming. He got me and the novelty of having me has warn off. So 2 questions:

#1 How do I get him to see he's lucky to have me? I can't go date other guys (nor do I want to).

#2 Is this going to be a cycle that repeats constantly for the next 50 years? If so, no thank you.

I won't have a PA or EA or any type of A. If we don't make it, I won't even date at all until we're legally seperated and I feel done and spend some time mourning the M and learning about myself.

BUT.... let me say that while I may be extremely judgemental of those who have PA's or EA's.... I do understand how easy it would be to just walk away from a spouse who is a jerk to someone new who seems to appreciate you. Not that an OW or OM is a catch at all. But you get my point.

I'm grateful for past experiences, past mistakes that have made me mature enough to not put myself into dangerous situations or temptations. I am able to recognize that I'm extremely vunerable right now so I don't talk about personal problems to anyone but a few female friends (except here on the board obviously), I don't get into conversations with the guys at work (I am the only female there right now), I don't talk to ex's, avoid PM's on FB from males, won't even chitchat with the guys in the check out line. But.... I wonder what it would be liked to be loved for me and who I am, to be accepted and appreciated and supported. To have someone compliment me other than a stranger or a friend. To be loved, to just be loved. Without conditions, without demands. In my job, I have complete strangers around the world who respect me.... in my home, I'm alone. I do see how easy it would be to fall into the arms of someone who fills that void. But I won't. My integrity and vows mean too much to me. And as much as I am hurt and angry with H.... I would never do that to him. No one deserves that kind of pain. What's my point? Just sharing with those of you dealing with WAS's in PA's or EA's as to how they may have gotten there. Trust me, it's not escaped me that my H was here too.

Love shouldn't be this hard.