JTB.

I was hoping you'd respond, so thanks.

The issue is I don't know if it matters or not. I could see myself going both ways. If she declare here undying love for the OM and wanted to run away with him, I don't know how I'd react.

If it was a PA, I think I'd honestly puke, so that's one think that is different. I don't know if I could recover from that. I don't think I could if she continued only the cavalier path she had been on

I know I have to come to these answers on my own.

I think about that all the time. She is with me, we go to sleep in the same bed every night. We have laughs and she recently started opening up more to me. But she did all that stuff during the height of the EA too.

I guess now she knows what she did was wrong and is working on the M.

My Therapist had a good way to frame the OM. H wasn't the OM, he was "Not-Harrier".

I agree that I don't need to know details now, unless it's a detail that preventing us from working on the M. (Like she's planning to run away with the OM.) I worry because she talks of being able to compartmentalize her life. Like she could have one part that is committed to working on the marriage and another part that is committed to the EA as well. Totally separate parts, not interfering with each other. People do this all the time. Of course things are better between us when she went down that route and I do see her sharing her work alot more with me than before.

However, I do feel the need to know more details at some point. I think many books on affairs suggest that the person with the A have to basically answer any questions from the other spouse.

I take it you never had one of these talks with our W. What I would propose, is that when our marriage is stronger. We set aside 10-15 min for me to ask whatever question I want and she has to be 100% honest. Then put it to bed after that.
I would to get her to agree to this with the idea in my own head that I probably never have that convo.

maybe that's dumb. I already wish I didn't kow some of the things I do.

Patience is bitter, but its fruit is sweet.
--Jean Jacques Rousseau.