Funny, secretly hoping that my life 'might' be better when we divorce as i 'might' find someone better has become this drug that somehow is keeping me in better spirits this week.
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I've had the same feelings, and I think as long as they just remain feelings they are harmless - especially if they give a little bit of an emotional boost.
It is a called having a feeling of abundance. It is perfectly fine to feel this way. One of the things "nice guys" tend to do is put one woman on a pedestal and tie all their own happiness up in that person, so that when that is ripped away, it feels like their life has ended. I believe it is much healthier for everyone involved if you have a permanent feeling of abundance, and you express your love for someone as an ongoing commitment, by always "choosing" them, as opposed to desperately needing them. Feeling like there is the possibility of numerous other romantic interests is neither dishonest, nor disrespectful to the one you love, as long as you always honor your commitment. It is also more realistic, there simply ARE a lot of fish in the sea. Thinking you will never catch another is just an expression of self-pity and inmsecurity, far removed from reality.
Now, having said that, I am not advocating giving up. I strongly advocate going after what you want. I keep talking about being a strong man. A strong man knows exactly what he wants, and he goes after it.
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But i know just like a drug, once this fantasy is revealed, i will go through withdrawal. I don't know though. I am already looking forward to getting into a new relationship soon if divorce becomes final. But i do think that it might be a bad idea as i really have not worked on improving myself.
Stop that negative self-talk. It is not a fantasy at all, everything is a possibility. You are correct though, you are not ready for another R. In order to not repeat the same mistakes over again, you must first learn and grow from this experience. Part of that is being your own man, and not having your emotions tied up in another. Loving someone for who they are, but at the same time being emotionally self-sufficient.
Spellfire aka Mike
"Women do not like controlling men. They respect and are attracted to men who control themselves. They ultimately are repelled by men who allow themselves to be controlled." -S&A
