I did take my vows seriously, my poor heart doesn't know forever is over, lol.
He has the kids every other weekend so I use that time to do things that are just for me. Today I went to the mall with my mom and splurged at Sephora which is a favorite place of mine, lol.
This morning H invited me out for breakfast. He was picking up our oldest from football workouts and got in town early. We talked about the kids and how they're doing in school. It was a good conversation with no awkwardness. It was a nice way to start the morning. He brought me home and thanked me for having breakfast with him which is odd... Things like that are what I don't understand. Eh, I'll just chalk it up to him killing time.
Me 34 H 37 M 12/97 H moved out 03/09 D 05/10 S 17 D 12 S 11
So, I have this private blog I've been using as a journal. It's all directed towards my H. Lately, I've been wanting to send him the link to it... which would probably be the most counterproductive thing to do. But, what I want to do right now is pour my heart out to him and fight for him... does that make sense? I want to lay it all out there and just tell him what I think and what I'd like to have happen.
I feel like all I've done is fail. All I've done is lay down and take what he's done to our family without a fight. I don't understand how not talking to him is going to do anything. I just want him home... but, I don't think that's ever going to happen.
Me 34 H 37 M 12/97 H moved out 03/09 D 05/10 S 17 D 12 S 11
I can feel your pain lostmiss97. I'm so sorry you have to go thru this. The one thing I am having a difficult time with is how to read the X....it seems that no matter what we do.....they are always in the control seat. Makes it a painful experience for us, I think.
I think the limbo of it all is really difficult. I agree with TulsaTime.....commitment has a different meaning to people. It's harder for those of us who take this word seriously. And how does one make the other person have any insight to their craziness?
I don't have kids but I can only imagine how difficult that makes the entire situation.
I just wanted to respond to let you know that I understand your roller coaster. You are not alone....
Hoping you have had some peaceful time and self promoting time.
M 5yrs D 9/2009 Ex-H moved back in - 5/2010 Ex-H left again 1/2011 exH remarried - first week Feb 2011 I found out - 2/22/2011
I'd say first of all stop beating yourself up for the decision to do the D. At that time, your H was treating you in a very cold and cruel way and you did what you had to do. It seems like you were abe to cope well, but got your equilibrium upset when he started cycling.
IMHO, your H just peeked out of he fog for a bit, saw that you were still there and retreated again.
You will see sitches here where many things keep on happening post-divorce or separation. See Augtan and goodattitudegirls sitches. YOu will learn a bit or two from them.
About your H's relationship with this girl from England - think of it this way .... it probably won't amount to much, and its a FANTASY!
YOu might have to do a lot of work, but it does seem like your H is deep in MLC but it also seems like he still has feelings for you.
What to do.... have you considered doing a telephone consultation with a DB coach?
Me:49 H:45 D:12 M:14 T:18 Bomb: 6/26/10 EA: 9/3/10, fizzled out slowly, now ??? 11/5/11 Retrouvaille Finally piecing.... Its peaceful at last, but we got a looong way to go
I've thought about calling a phone coach, but they're kind of expensive for me. The relationship with the cyber chick is so unnerving for me. He's elevated her to some sort of status where he says he can be his true self with her... I don't understand how that's even true. He's so much different from the man I was married to. He doesn't pay full attention to the kids the way he used to because he's constantly texting her. Every time they're with him he's on the phone. He used to be so involved with them. He'd go outside with them and play ball every time they asked. Now he tells them he can't. It's to the point where our oldest doesn't want to go see him on the weekends they're scheduled to be there. I know that kills him. He asks about our S all of the time. Why doesn't he see the reason behind his decision? He blames it on his living arrangements (he's living with his parents right now) because he's out in the boonies with nothing to do. It hurts me to see their relationship with him deteriorate so much, but there's nothing I can do about it.
I feel like I'm fighting against some unknown enemy... I don't know how to approach this situation and it makes me feel so out of control and lost. It was easier when he was openly angry and nasty to me... at least then he was unbearable to be around. Now, when he's around me he's either ignoring me or acting how he used to. I don't know what to expect anymore.
Me 34 H 37 M 12/97 H moved out 03/09 D 05/10 S 17 D 12 S 11
