At the last stop

[Orchid37]

I had a really good strong day yesterday and woke up this AM - on time - not super early - and headed to work with a feeling of strength within.....

Well, it was so super short lived. A friend asked how I was doing and I just have had anxiety ever since. I hate saying it out loud. I hate that I feel like I am going to be defined by this.....sigh

I can't make sense of it....It's over...I know it. I know it. I think this is the first time I have not spoken to him for this long amount of time. That is definitely adding to my anxiety. He has never done well when given time and space.....and I wonder what craziness awaits me....or what doesn't. It's final....

I think I have a lot of problems with closure. A friend asked me yesterday, what would be a good closure for me for this situation. Now, I have no idea....It used to be that if went thru marriage therapy to try to work things out and it didn't, I would be able to have closure. Now, no real closure. Presence of a child is my closure, I guess. Amazing! If 3 months ago, someone said "things could be worse" - I would have denied it heartily....and well.....I guess, things still could be worse...sigh.

Rough waters today.....they too shall pass, I suppose....

There is so much in life and yet I keep focusing on this one situation. If there is anything I have learned from this - its that we are all alike....so many are in the same place as me and some more/some less unstable.

I know it.....and yet, doesn't make things any easier.