I have previous threads on both Mid life and newcomers. I follow the boards and post occasionally. A little background before I post wife's latest e-mail.
I am dim for all intents and purposes as wife is still in the tunnel and living her dream of independence away from me, kids(she does have daughter about 30%) and her family.
Latest e-mail after we were discussing her picking up something from house. She moved out Jan 1 this year.
"I don't have a problem being friends and I think for the kids sake, it would be best if we find a way to get to that point. that being said, i do not want to lead you on and make you think there will be some reconciliation. You need to find your own way and maybe im wrong, but I don't think being alone is something you would want long term You have to figure out what makes you happy."
I have not responded to this e-mail. Was looking for some insight from some of you.
quick facts so you don't need to look back. M-45, w-44, s-20, s-16, D-12 t-28 yrs m-22 First noticed changes-June2009, bomb-March 2010, moved out Jan 1, 2010
I currently have a preety good life with her not there. Detached and doing well but have been standing to this point.
I don't believe this email requires a response. She's giving you her opinions, that's it.
BITS Me-51, WAS-52 Kids 2 M-26yrs, H.left 2009, 2 more Bomb drops, Reconnection spring 2013 Change is inevitable, personal growth is a choice. Love is a action and choice you make, every day.
I don't know that I would respond to it. Afterall, what would you say that she hasn't heard already? Even if you had something new, do you really think it would be heard?
I think the "let's be friends" $hit is their way of defining what you won't be. Like alot of folks here, I got that too.
Are my H and I friends? Will we be? I don't know. I subscribe more to the thinking of when you really love someone, you don't want to be just their friend (loose quote from Diary of a Mad Black Woman). Will it change over time? Alot of things do.
Would I personally respond to this e-mail? Probably not.
Thanks for responding. I have read your sitch for a long time so we both know frustrating.
I am in such a better place than six months ago. The detachment has worked well. I think my wife has a long way to go to finish baking. This is a long road. The only frustrating part is her consistent message that she is done. I never do the relationship talk, she will normally from time to time remind me we will never reconcile. I usually validate and thats it. I do not tell her i want her back or talk about the future with her. Just validate.
Life goes on and so do we. What are our choices? I want to make sure I have tried everything before I call it quits. The one beneficial thing is if I call it quits is I have a life now. Not the one I envisioned 2 yrs ago but a new life.
Good luck to all in this journey of discovery. Both about ourselve and about the ones we love.
I liked that movie. It was on TV not too long ago so I watched it again.
Just being friends? That is a tough one. You really have to be a big person to remain friends. I think being cordial especially if you have kids is one thing but true friend can be a stretch.
I don't know that I would respond to it. Afterall, what would you say that she hasn't heard already? Even if you had something new, do you really think it would be heard?
I agree!
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I think the "let's be friends" $hit is their way of defining what you won't be. Like alot of folks here, I got that too.
Got that one as well...
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Are my H and I friends? Will we be? I don't know.
How would you want a friend to treat you? Would you want to be able to count on this person if/when you needed them? Are they honest? What other qualities do you look for in a friend?
Just a few questions to ask yourself. Dunno about you and yours, but my ex failed miserably when I asked myself "friendship" questions such as these so the answer was real simple.
