About the "why they run" question, my H described it as an almost overwhelming feeling that he must run away or he would die. Jim Conway describes flying over a desert island in a plane and pretty much wanting to jump out the window to escape to that oasis of calm. Their pain is so great that it's as though their clothes and hair are on fire and they're afraid the searing pain is going to reach their bodies any second--but nobody else can see it. Their families are going about their normal business, or tearfully reproaching them for the pain they're causing--but all they can think about is the fire.
Yes, some MLCers are definitely more mild than others. My H certainly was--perhaps because the pain his mother caused was balanced by lots of other people who loved him unconditionally? Don't trick yourself into hoping that your H will speed through the tunnel--if the changes he needs to make are to be permanent, it will take him some time to work through his issues.
Also, I know how hard it is not to hold up that timeline as a yardstick, but it is virtually impossible to know "where" they are until you can look back on the completed journey. It really is more helpful to spend the time examining where YOU are on your journey, because it is so much easier to see the progress that we make, from grief-stricken newly bombed LBS, to confident, fully realized adults.
It's great that your H wants to work on himself. While he does, what would you like to do for yourself? Take this time to fully explore your own goals.
