Well, things are starting to pick up speed. She asked that we sit down this last weekend and arrive at an agreement, because that would allow this (D) to be over with faster. I was available the entire weekend, but no conversation. Typical. If it's an uncomfortable subject, it is easier to not talk about it than get it out and find a solution. I truly believe that is one of the biggest reasons that we are where we are.
With my recent schedule change at work, we have almost no contact during the week. A text here or there, usually about something like an errand that needs to be done, wash needs to be put in dryer, get chicken out of freezer to thaw, etc. Once in awhile she will throw in something light and friendly. Last nite she says she just a saw a new commercial for the ebay baby. Said it was hilarious. I said I hadn't seen it yet, but would watch for it. Then she responds Going to bed. G'nite. It was not even ten, and she NEVER goes to bed before eleven. I didn't answer. And I don't initiate any calls or texts anymore unless it something important like business or the kids.
So, before she at least had to wait until I was outside, or she ran to the store or some other sneaky thing to send out her texts and quick calls to the OM. I'm pretty sure before my change they didn't talk at all after working hours because we were together. Now, with me on nights, I see they text upwards of 140 times a day, and they frequently talk on the phone while I'm at work. Like I said, things there seem to be picking up steam.
I'm back and forth between trying to fix me and be there for my kids and help them (and me) accept things and move forward. And then the next moment I just want my wife back, my family back, my life back. The worst part is I wanna FIX THIS. But I'm learning that I can't. I can't make her do something she doesn't wanna do. I can't stop her from doing something she shouldn't. But I feel like I am just treading water, and the best advice is to not let the next wave drown you.
Anyway, I'm already semi dark. We only see each other on the weekends. We still sleep in the same bed. She still sleeps up tight against me (touching back to back). The divorce if nothing changes will be final in about 6 weeks. I'm not sure at this point what else to do. I'll just keep reading (here, books, etc.), talking with a good friend of mine who is a pastor and has some experience in this kind of thing, start some personal counseling to fix my issues, and try to GAL. And pray. I'm not sure what else to do, honestly. I think that this relationship has reached a point where it has to die. I'm wondering if the only way for me and W to have any kind of chance at a good relationship is for her to go and be on her own and after a time, realize that she WANTS to have a R with me. You know, find out the grass might not be greener over there after all. I wish I had more time, and the other thing complicating things is the OM. She is fixated on trying to get that going, even to the point of looking for an apartment close to where he lives. I'm just not sure any DB techniques will work or that she will notice when she is so preoccupied with this other thing. I am trying to be patient, but not doing very well with things at the moment.
