Its not only men who want to pursue, women like it too! I think its human nature to want what's hard to get.
Just to give you another woman's perspective: I think back to some of the fun times in my M, and the days that stand out are those where H and I are comfortable, laughing, having fun, but later, the fun turns more into light flirting, glances across the room, with a sexual undercurrent, not too obvious. Especially during a social event. Not too much PDA.
You were being too intense, what with all that poetry.Keep it fun and friendly. Save the poetry for the time when you renew your vows....
You are right about the good times. Here's the other thing about those. They aren't super memorable because they were just the two of you being individuals, enjoying the other's company.
It's too bad we don't remember those moments and really have the bad times etched into our brain. We start to believe there WEREN'T any good times.
I think my issue with the poem (and her issue) wasn't that I wrote it or the timing it was what I did AFTER the poem. She even said it best - if she would have first read it when she was alone, not at work, it would have had a totally different meaning.
By me pushing a response, simply took the sheen off it's luster.
m 40 w 38 married 15 together 18 d11, d8 bomb 12/19/10 2nd bomb 3/30/11 COMPLETELY DONE
2step, you are right on all accounts. The patting on the back thing is big with me (as I'm sure you can tell on these boards) I honestly don't want to be seeking it out and I don't BUT when I don't get it, it hurts. That's my deal to figure out and work with for sure. Not hers.
I especially appreciate being called out. That puts everything in perspective for sure. It's almost like I have to wake up every morning and "review" what to do for the day until it becomes normal.
This whole patience thing is what is the most difficult. It's not just the R either but my career. I've started down a slightly different path that isn't so easy to sustain. It's frustrating dealing with it and sometimes wonder how much I can take (the career, not the M - at least today). So it's just compounding.
much better day today as well. She even texted me to see how my day was going. Man, I only put this new thing into place for one night and it's already better
m 40 w 38 married 15 together 18 d11, d8 bomb 12/19/10 2nd bomb 3/30/11 COMPLETELY DONE
Bolt, keep your head in the game, buddy! The poem was a bit much and don't press. Just let this thing role along. You are doing great! Don't try to attach a 200hp outboard motor to a to a canoe. Have you ever been canoeing? What makes it fun? Just sitting there in the boat and flowing with the current. No, you can't ski behind a canoe, but why would you try?
Just keep the pace steady and don't mess with it. You are doing great! You, Denver and 2step are setting the pace right now.
BITS never walk alone!
FOBD
Me: 39 W: 36 T: 15 yrs M: 9 yrs S: 09/10
So you can get on with your search, baby And I can get on with mine And maybe someday we will find, That it wasn't really wasted time...
You want a pat on the back? Come to the boards. You want a 2x4 come to the boards. I wouldn't be looking for too many pat on the backs from W right now.
When you get them great, if you don't oh well.
Little by little Bolt. Baby steps. You will get there but you must remain focused and decipline
when does all of this end? This constant up and down? One day feels completely normal but then less than 24 hours completely insane.
I'm beginning to shut down my emotions ONLY because I can't handle these up and downs.
Yesterday, I had an interview for a short time gig. It went pretty well but I wasn't really interested in the project. Since we're moving in 2 weeks, I didn't want to be away from the family for months at a time either.
I called the W to explain it...and she says to take it. To further my career. Now this is what I don't get. Furthering my career is what GOT us into this situation. Being away from the family is what GOT us into this mess. I just feel she doesn't want it or me anymore. Why fight for something that she doesn't want?
So on the drive back home - nearly 2.5 hours - I go over the positives and negatives of the job and decide there really aren't any positives. I actually felt some clarity and some peace. I felt completely at peace with it all.
I come home and tell W that I'm not going to take it and get a simple OK. She was more interested in talking to who knows who on the computer than talk to me. I thought this was a pretty important thing but she would rather talk to strangers than me. I've gotten to the point where I don't care if she's talking to people BUT not when we are. NOT when it's family time. I don't do that...
Everyone has their breaking point... I don't know anymore...am I venting or am I just ready to accept the inevitable?
m 40 w 38 married 15 together 18 d11, d8 bomb 12/19/10 2nd bomb 3/30/11 COMPLETELY DONE
hi bolt it feels like it's been a long time since we have communicated
did you ever consider this? that she is not too interested in talking about your career, because that's how you ended up in this sitch? maybe because it's a sore point with her she would rather ignore it for now maybe she is also trying not to dredge up any unpleasantness and to talk about your work would be painful to her
it's just a thought
you have so many positives and have worked so hard to be where you are
don't let this throw you
i do understand that you are also a person with feelings that need to be validated and you need to be able to discuss with your w and you will get there, i know it it will just be slow going
Hang in there buddy. you know all the answers, you have all the tools now. God knows I've felt that recently, the idea that I have a breaking point, but then I remember there is no one else out there I want to have an R with.
I'm willing to work for that. I know you are too. You have to remember to try to not put your own thoughts/feelings into your w's actions. It's a recipe for disaster.
But vent be pissed and get over it.Or better yet if you have to fill in the narrative on your W's actions, try to make it positive as Grr suggested.
Patience is bitter, but its fruit is sweet. --Jean Jacques Rousseau.
