A Whole New Bolt

[Bolt]

when does all of this end?
This constant up and down?
One day feels completely normal but then less than 24 hours completely insane.

I'm beginning to shut down my emotions ONLY because I can't handle these up and downs.

Yesterday, I had an interview for a short time gig. It went pretty well but I wasn't really interested in the project. Since we're moving in 2 weeks, I didn't want to be away from the family for months at a time either.

I called the W to explain it...and she says to take it. To further my career. Now this is what I don't get. Furthering my career is what GOT us into this situation. Being away from the family is what GOT us into this mess. I just feel she doesn't want it or me anymore. Why fight for something that she doesn't want?

So on the drive back home - nearly 2.5 hours - I go over the positives and negatives of the job and decide there really aren't any positives. I actually felt some clarity and some peace. I felt completely at peace with it all.

I come home and tell W that I'm not going to take it and get a simple OK. She was more interested in talking to who knows who on the computer than talk to me. I thought this was a pretty important thing but she would rather talk to strangers than me. I've gotten to the point where I don't care if she's talking to people BUT not when we are. NOT when it's family time. I don't do that...

Everyone has their breaking point...
I don't know anymore...am I venting or am I just ready to accept the inevitable?