Another relationship conversation; this time in person. We revisited the forgiveness issue. Sanderika, H knows I have forgiven him as we have had that conversation several times. I have also acknowledged my part and my mistakes several times over the past few years. I reiterated that tonight and I know he's actually heard what I was saying by his response and our conversation.
GAG, his pain is over the hurt and pain he has caused, the remorse for his actions and his guilt. he knows that I've moved past blame but he said it was still really difficult because of how he felt about himself. Validation, validation, validation.
I think we've agreed that we both have trust issues, me especially but I have to acknowledge that trust is a concern for him too because he didn't feel I cared. he has to trust that I won't hurt him in this way again (my words) I said I was still working on myself and I knew my issues but I need his support.
We talked about 5LL briefly and I explained because mine is QT I find it really difficult when he goes to the cave without an explanation. he agreed to try and talk to me and explain when he needed some space. I agreed to try to give him the space he needed. He said he had been working on his responses when angry and I said I had noticed that and there was a marked improvement.
We agreed that communication was a significant problem and we will try to improve in this.
We agreed that our separation should never have happened.
GAG, H still hasn't told me ow is gone but I sense she has. In answer to your question GAG I sense he wants more than friendship but his protection barrier is up and we spoke in round about terms. I sense he wants to try to work things out but with no promises; needs the out clause. I agreed that I was happy with that arrangement because I am not confident in my feelings.
I said I thought we were happy when we had the kids and he agreed that we were. That's different than the picture he has painted where he was unhappy forever.
he told me I need to be patient, he is trying. I said I heard what he was saying but thought I had also been very patient, just the fact that we could still talk these days. he agreed but said i needed to continue to be patient. And GAG, that is where your excerpt from' I do again' is really relevant. thanks
he said he is happy for me to initiate outings etc; for the first time ever he didn't say he was too busy or say we'll see or anything else.
We had a conversation about other people and he said he was learning to live with the fact that his sister still wouldn't talk to him.
When I walked out to the car we hugged and then we hugged again and he kissed the top of my head.
So, it was a positive conversation overall but we did dance around a few issues.
