It's me that's cycling!

[goodattitudegirl]

Cas,

VERY interesting.........Is this the closest you've come to a real R talk with H since he left? It makes sense that he would broach this topic with you if OW has just left the picture.

In reading your post, the following questions came to mind.

He wants me in his life, he is trying really hard but he doesn't know where I fit in the future.

Do you have a sense for whether he just wants you in his life as a "friend" or possibly more? We all know that at this point he will not want to encourage you with words (ala Jeff Scruggs in the book excerpt I shared with you), but what does your "gut" tell you?

It became apparent in the convo that he does care for me and he has deep remorse but that the pain and damage I have experienced is nothing compared to the pain he feels and this will inhibit any possible future.

Do you have a sense for whether the pain your H says he feels is the result of his remorse over having left?...........or is it the pain that MADE him leave?.....the inner pain he has yet to resolve? Do you have a sense for whether he has made any progress in resolving the inner conflict that caused him to leave?

I can't see a way forward if he feels the need to retreat.

I may be wrong here but it seems as though your H's revelation to you was precipitated by (1) your going dim recently and (2) living with OW which probably forced him to face how unhappy he was with her.

You don't need to do anything dramatic right now. Give H some space. I hope to send you the next excerpt from "I Do Again" in the next few days which I think addresses where you may be now. In the book, as events unfold, Cheryl ends up staying at Jeff's house with their D's during Christmas week and they have a wonderful time. Afterward, Cheryl returns home expecting to hear from Jeff and to receive invitations to do things together over the next week. Instead, she hears total silence. She becomes EXTREMELY frustrated, calls Jeff, and gives him a piece of her mind. Jeff is taken quite aback because he has been thinking seriously about asking Cheryl to begin dating. When she explodes at him "out of the blue" he crawls WAY back into his man cave and tells himself he would be crazy to consider reconciling with Cheryl..............My point here is to remind you to "keep your cool" with H over the next several weeks. That is the best way to keep your options open and it sounds as though right now you don't know what it is that you want.

Congratulations on having H validate to you that he DOES have feelings for you. You have been right about this all along!

GAG