Recovering after a same sex affair - Part 3

[sparks14]

Couples therapy update. No co-parenting talk!! YAY!

No agenda, so we began to talk about some of the communication from last week when we got beers. Both agreed to was positive communication.

W asked me what I thought self discovery meant while we were separated. I told her I didn't know. I said this would be a good time to read, meditate, talk with your therapist, just have some good alone time to think about your life.

She had other ideas. She said that she is planning on meeting with some gay support groups, meet up with gay friends, and go to gay clubs. She wants to go out and experience this lifestyle to see if it is right for her. Ugh. That was a tough pill to swallow, but I told her that I understood. She needs to find who she is.

OW was mentioned. Both couples therapist and myself mentioned that OW coming into picture during this self discovery would be crossing the line. C said it would heavily muddy the waters to what you are trying to accomplish. W said that she has not, but would not promise that it will not happen sometime in the future. She did say that she would tell me if that happens. I told her that contact with the OW would change things on this path we are on. She understood.

In the end, I told her that I did not want her to come back to me if she was not emotionally there. She thanked me for that perspective.

It is going to be difficult to go through my life separated from my W, but I have to accept it and take care of myself. Couples therapist even caught me giving the impression that my taking care of myself was for my wife. I said that was not the impression that I wanted to give. I told her that the changes being made are for me. Whether my W comes back to build our marriage on them is one option. If we divorce, the new me will be for the next woman.

Our therapist tossed out the gem that said that men that go through this experience become awesome spouses to the next woman due to the situation and changes made. Thought it was great for my W to hear that. Therapist also mentioned that she has also seen huge improvements in marriages after this sort of thing happens. She said that couples make some great changes and build better foundations. That was also nice to hear.

In the end, positive session. No ground made as for as reconciliation, but we are communicating amazingly. Honest discussions.