I know this may sound extremely insane - but I would still be married, working through the enormous mental issues H is having = AND lovingly guiding my family. Why??? Don't I deserve something better?? - Because I made a vow in front of God and friends and family and that means something! 10 years, 20 years from now I truly believe I would never have regretted doing that.
Today, 10-20 years from now I will still be this same person. I do not have regrets about what I have done within the marriage - nor after this devastation. I am nor will I ever be perfect. But I am the type of person who tries not to make the same mistake twice. I am the type of person who tries to listen and adjust my behavior to reflect the needs of the whole. I have cried in front of my kids / friends / family. I have slept a lot - I have had many days when I have barely gotten by. But I have no regrets.
I don't think you are insane at all. I too feel the same about my vows not only to my H but also to God. You are doing great IB. God is with you in this season of your life. Crying, sleeping, taking care of you and your family are all things you must do to make it through this, but God is right there with you.
Blessings!
Lorie W47 H48 D16 M20 H gone 11/9/10 lives w/OW
When you forgive,you heal. When you let go,you grow. When you cry to God, you surrender. When you love unconditionally, you show others Christ's love.
Is there any chance to go back and get retroactive C/S from the time your H left. It is not right that he abandoned his family and lived scott free while you carried the whole financial burden.
Brooklyn and Lorie - Thanks for the reality check on my sanity:)
SA - in Indiana you are not entitled to retro CS. Unbelievable yet true. And of course my lawyer says if you want to fight it then you open yourself up to him coming after your retirement - of which he is entitled to and is worth way more than retro CS.
I look forward to the day when this portion is a lost memory:)
M-48/XH-48 M=25/T=28 years Ds-24,22/S-18 D - 3/11 A Day at a Time
I too look forward to the day that this portion of my life is a faint memory. I will wave at it as it goes by.
My H still trys to say that all the reporting of his drinking to his chain of command did so much worse than good, but I have to believe otherwise. He can blame me all he wants, but the truth is out there now, it's what he/Army does with it.
IB I just wanted to pop in and say that you seem to be going through some dramatic changing in the past few weeks--a whole lotta strength showing and confidence too. I thought this would happen. Remember a few weeks ago you felt so badly? That kind of regression seems to spark a huge amount of progress when you come out of it. Kind of like leapfrogging emotionally! Good for you!
M45 Bomb 6/09; EA 6/10; Divorced 1/11 Proud single mom of 7 little feline girls and one little feline boy "Fall down 53 times. Get up 54." -- Zen saying
Strange, somewhat rough day. Countered H's counter. BFF caught her H in serious lies - Wondering if there is anyone out there who truly believes and understands commitment! Need a good night's sleep!
M-48/XH-48 M=25/T=28 years Ds-24,22/S-18 D - 3/11 A Day at a Time
I truly hope your BFF does not find herself in the same boat with the rest of us, BUT IF SHE DOES, she will have a wise and strong friend to guide her through.
Ah, the old counter to the counter to the counter. Can't wait to hear of his response. That's when the werewolf in them starts to show, full moon or not!
My BFF is so strong - there have been ongoing issues for many years. The discovery of painful lies, deceits and wrong-doings was the icing on the cake for her and she took a stand.
God has a plan....for all of us
M-48/XH-48 M=25/T=28 years Ds-24,22/S-18 D - 3/11 A Day at a Time
Spent last night relieving friend with new baby. Up til 3am with baby - LOVED it!!
H's bday is this weekend. Kids want very little to do with him. I'm staying out of it.
Realized that I have been there for friends over the last few days with no distractions. Nice feeling to give back. Not paying attention to this constant little ache.
Cried tonight - day 13! It's a record - I'm getting stronger every day!
M-48/XH-48 M=25/T=28 years Ds-24,22/S-18 D - 3/11 A Day at a Time
