H takes all the blame - why?

[angel61]

He's back. His plane was supposed to land at 1:40, I texted him by 2:49 to ask if he will pick up D12. he called by around 4:00 to tell me he will, and that his plane was late.

My detachment flies out of the window... when he was not responding right away I started thinking negative thoughts - maybe he called OW first before us, etc. etc. then just told myself to stop it, does it matter to me anyway.

The detachment thing - to get it right one has to exercise the mind, and try again and again until you get it. Even having the right mindset does not mean it will happen, you have to work on it.

BUt so is everything.

I was just thinking about forbidden love - like what our spouses have with the OW.

If it were our teenage, underage kids who fell in love, we expect them to be able to cntrol their emotions, to not entertain their feelings. We let them know what he consequences are: unwanted pregnancies, responsibilities before they are ready, not being able to attain their dreams. Sometimes some parents even threaten their kids. When I was young, I fell in love and my parents pulled me out of school, made me stay home for a year, threatened me with getting disowned if I contiued with the relationship. I thought I would die of heartbreak, but in 6 months, was in love with another guy For this reason, I could not hate my parents for what they did, it was a valuable lesson on what being "in love" was, and because of that, I can differentiate between the love I feel for my H and the infatuation he is probably feeling for OW.

Why can't our spouses think about that or realize that? the consequences are even more grave this time around: their children being scarred for life, losing out on all they have built financially and career wise, the harm done to spouses and family, etc. It is worse when our spouses regress to being irresponsible teenagers and yet we can't even be a parent to them!